1. Welcoming comments.
I've just returned from a two week holiday and am happy to be back in contact with you again. I found plenty of stimulation for some newsletter topics over Christmas. So coming up will be topics centred around poor customer service, inspirational generosity and kindness, having fascinating conversations with teenagers, communicating with dentists, evaluating the depth and value of friendships, communication between real estate agents and buyers, finding contentment in the ordinary, and more! But for now we have Richard Goodwin at Edith Cowan University to thank for suggesting today's topic. He wrote and asked "Do first impressions always count or can we misjudge people?"
We all form impressions quickly of people, don't we? But are they right? The research I've read suggests that our initial impressions may not always be right and that we try to convince ourselves that they are rather than admit we've made a mistake.
2. Introduction to the theme:
So what's wrong with first impressions?
After Richard suggested the topic I have been remembering times when I formed first impressions and have been wrong. Why did I make an error? Well, it's quite simple really, a first impression is usually formed on too limited information. And often not the right information. So what do most of us base our impressions on? People's clothes, their body language, their tones of voice, the colour of their skin, some label that has been attached to them, such as, Christian, gay or feminist. Yet these don't tell us much about an individual at all, do they?
How often do we hear comments such as, "Women are good at this", "Men can't do this", or "What can you expect from a man?" or "All women are the same." What nonsense! Those kind of statements may in no way apply to an individual. If we think one statement can apply to all women or all men we are missing out on the great richness that individual people have to offer. However, it's easy to do, isn't it? I'm sure I'm guilty of it. Are you?
3. Top tips.
How to create and form the right impressions.
Tip A. Don't trust your first impressions.
First impressions can, as Richard suggests be very wrong. So be prepared to re-visit your first impression, to ask yourself what you were basing it on, to find out more information and to be willing to update your first judgement. I remember once someone saying to me, when I was wearing a red top, "Oh what an Extravert you are, you are obviously wanting to attract attention to yourself." I was quite surprised to be summed up so quickly and so comprehensively on the basis of what colour I wore. I explained that I wore red because when I went to the colour consultant she suggested it made my skin look vibrant and healthy. In contrast, yellow or black, for example, made me look like I had jaundice. I had noticed that when I wore them people would ask me if I was feeling tired. However, I suspect this man stuck to his first opinion and had a closed mind to the new information - unless of course he admired colour consultants!
Tip B. Check that your judgements aren't based on a group stereotype, such as race, religion, gender or age.
When I went to my optician over Christmas (for multifocals ... now what stereotype do you have of those?) the assistant was taking my details and said to me with incredulity in her voice, "Are you really nearly 50?" I laughed and said with pride, "Yes indeed!" Her reply, "We've had so many people in today who don't seem as old as they are." I laughed and said, "What do you expect a 50 year old to look like - do you have some dreadful stereotype of what we're like?". She laughed and agreed she did. We do tend to form impressions based on our own age, gender, personality type, cultural background - even height or weight. If you'd like to find out how your personality influences the impressions you make and leave, then come along to the next "Understanding Yourself - Managing Others" workshop on Thursday 20th February 2003. 9.00am - 4.30pm, $225 + GST = $247.50. http://www.rachelgreen.com/bookings
Tip C. Ask before you judge.
Pause before you judge and take the time to find out more about the person you are forming an impression of. You may ask questions such as, "So what is it like being 50?", "What does your religion involve?", "How does living in Australia compare to living in Vietnam?" and so on. Even saying "What kinds of things do you like to do on the weekend?", or "What new year's resolutions have you made?" or even "Wow, what a great top, how did you manage to find it?" may all give you more information.
Tip D. Smile on the phone.
Given that people do make first impressions and very quickly, you may want to increase your chances of leaving the best impression. On the phone for instance, first impressions are often formed by the sound of your voice. Have you heard your own voice? If not, record it and play it back so you hear what everyone else hears. What impressions do you leave?
Sometimes simply putting a smile into your voice when you answer the phone can help you to sound pleasant and co-operative. It's easy to do, but do you do it? I have spoken to a number of people today and the last person had no smile anywhere near her voice. Did she not want to speak to me? Did she have a headache? Was she annoyed at me for asking questions? I wonder. It made it harder for me to be pleasant in return. In contrast, someone else called and she sounded bright and sparkly and I immediately enjoyed speaking to her ... ooops, there go those first impressions again!
The first impressions over the phone can make or break a sale, enhance or reduce an organisation's reputation, or increase or lower the chance of the caller being aggressive or kind. If you use the phone make sure you leave the best impression by coming along to: "Superbly managing phone calls - especially the difficult ones" on Tuesday 11th February 2003, 9.00am - 4.00pm, $210 + GST = $231.00. I hope you'll join us. http://www.rachelgreen.com/bookings
4. Want to know more? Resources for you world-wide - many of them free.
Online purchases from our Book and CD Store: http://rachelgreen.com/products.html
Other free newsletters:
Here are some other useful FREE! newsletters and tips to help you. They are on the rachelgreen.com website for you to read or print off whenever you wish.
Number 103: Phone Calls - How to handle even the hard ones superbly. By Rachel Green
Number 89: What to do with your hands and other body language tips. By Rachel Green
Number 40: Superior Phone Skills
Tips
Ten Tips on How to communicate well and look after yourself by Rachel Green.
Ten Tips On Eye Contact At Work by Rachel Green
Some books to read on Personality Type
5. Did You Know That ... NEW!
This is a new segment. Each fortnight we will let you know of a new bit of research that could help you ...
Did you know that ... scientists in Oxford University have found that if you are having trouble sleeping, counting sheep isn't as good as it's made out to be. Instead they have found that conjuring up a pleasant and relaxing scene such as a waterfall or being on holiday, is far more likely to help you get to sleep. Apparently picturing an engaging scene takes up more brain space and is easier to stay focused on than sheep! (Reported in New Scientist Vol 173, issue 2327, Jan 2002, page 17.) Happy sleeping!
If you are having problems sleeping because you are a bit stressed or going over and over things in your mind come along to the NEW FULL DAY course: "Moments of calm: Stress relief for busy people" Tuesday 25th February 2003, 9.00 am - 4.00 pm. $210.00 + GST = $231.00. It will help! http://www.rachelgreen.com/bookings
6. Competition winners.
We thank all those of you who wrote in for the last competition. The winners are Denise Watkins from the Army Personnel Agency in Perth and Tony Harding from Mordialloc in Victoria. Well done Denise and Tony. They win a free copy of our "How Not To Take Things Personally" tape series and the wonderfully inspirational book by Tony Ryan, "The Ripple Effect - How you can make a difference to the world every day." Tony has been a marvellous support of the competition last year - giving many of his books away free - it really is a great book. Thanks Tony - you're a great example of how one person can make a positive difference. To support him and the charities he works for go to: http://www.headfirst.com.au/ripples
7. Have a laugh.
Thanks to Rachel's Reflections reader, Debbie Jackson again from Robe River in Wickham North West of Australia for this fortnight's funny which fits our theme on negative stereotypes perfectly.
"I have always dreaded old age. I cannot imagine anything worse than being old. How awful it must be to have nothing to do all day long but stare at the walls or watch TV. So last week, when the President suggested we all celebrate Senior Citizen Week by cheering up a senior citizen, I decided to do just that. I would call on my new neighbour, an elderly retired gentleman, recently widowed, and who, I presumed, had moved in with his married daughter because he was too old to take care of himself. I baked a batch of brownies, and, without bothering to call (some old people cannot hear the phone), I went off to brighten this old guy's day.
When I rang the doorbell this "old guy" came to the door dressed in tennis shorts and a polo shirt, looking about as ancient and decrepit as Donny Osmond.
"I'm sorry I can't invite you in," he said when I introduced myself, "but I'm due at the Racquet Club at two. I'm playing in the semi-finals today."
"Oh that's all right," I said. "I baked you some brownies..."
"Great!" he interrupted, snatching the box. "Just what I need for bridge club tomorrow! Thanks so much!"
I continued, "...and I just thought I'd visit a while. But that's okay! I'll just trot across the street and call on Granny Grady."
"Don't bother," he said. "Gran's not home; I know. I just called to remind her of our date to go dancing tonight. She may be at the beauty shop. She mentioned at breakfast that she had an appointment for a tint job."
So I went home and called my Mother's cousin (age 83); she was in the hospital - working in the gift shop.
I called my aunt (age 74); she was on vacation in China.
I called my husband's uncle (age 79). I forgot; he was on his honeymoon.
I still dread old age, now more than ever.
I just don't think I'm up to it!
Send your contributions to
May you leave the best impression of yourself and be kind when forming impressions of others.
With kindness,
Rachel.
