I was sitting with a group of people in a restaurant recently enjoying a nice meal and delightful company. I was enjoying it because I was engaged in conversation with several of the people around me, exchanging information, stories and news. However I couldn't help but notice two single people sitting next to each other not saying anything. They hadn't come together but they had been introduced and belonged to the same group. They both looked vulnerable and both ended leaving early to go home. How could their evening have been brighter and more satisfying? Here are some tips...
Tip one - Take the initiative
Take the initiative and say something without waiting for people to talk to you. A simple step to help make any dinner party work for you is to join in voluntarily without waiting for someone else. This means being willing to say something irrespective of whether anyone starts to talk to you or not. It is too easy to hope that someone says something to you - that's the easy way out. So take a risk and say something. Anything (almost!) is better then nothing.
Tip two - Turn to the people next to you or opposite you and talk to them
It can make it easier to be in conversation at a dinner party if you target one person at first rather than trying to talk to a whole group, especially if other people are talking. So make eye contact and smile at the person opposite you or next to you and engage them in conversation.
Tip three - Say something about yourself
It is tempting just to ask another person questions and for you to take the role of listener. However it's not an interesting conversation as it's too one-sided. Instead be willing to say something about yourself. It doesn't have to be anything earth shattering - just normal everyday aspects of yourself will do. For example:
"Hi, I'm Stephen, I've just fought my way through the traffic from Scarborough to get here, what was the traffic like for you?".
"Hi I'm Josephine, I've come along tonight because I met Hazel at the tennis club and she said it was good, how about you?"
Just say something that lets the other person know you a little. Please notice I didn't suggest corny lines or wisecracks as starters! Instead these starters invite the other person to talk to you about the topic(s) you've raised. You've given her/him help in knowing what to talk to you about.
Tip four - Listen to the topics around the table and join in
Listen to what is going on at the table with other people's conversations and add your own opinion. For example if people are having a conversation about travel and where they've been and you're off to Adelaide the next day, then say so. If someone is talking about the vegetables they've grown at home talk about your garden, or what vegetables you like to eat. One of the best conversations I've heard grew from some innocent comments made about cabbages! If someone is talking about the price of fuel tell them where the cheapest fuel is that you know about, or what you think about travel generally or government policies or the environment.
Tip five - Ask questions
Invite other people to join you in conversation by asking them questions. Open-ended questions are often good ones to use, such as;
"What kinds of things do you do at the weekend?"
"What does your job involve?"
"What are you plans for the New Year?"
"What types of places do you like to travel to?"
Tip six - Respond fully
If people ask you questions because they are being kind enough to try and engage you in conversation, give more than five words in response. Even if someone asks you an inane question such as "How have you been?", elaborate on your answer. "Good thanks" doesn't go anywhere. "Good thanks, I've just got a new job this week working at the education department" makes a conversation.
If you find "chatting" difficult you might find the following helpful:
The course "Having Something To Say: The Art of Chat", is on again on Thursday, 8th March, 2001, 9.00 am - 5.00 pm, $175.45 + 10% GST = $193.00. You'll learn to turn your small talk fears into successful and satisfying conversations, network successfully and meet new clients, colleagues and friends. Bookings for this course are through the University of WA Extension: 08 9380 2433, or through the UWA Extension website, http://www.extension.uwa.edu.au/
Be a winner at dinner: How to chat and network with confidence and skill.
If you've ever run out of things to say when you meet people at Xmas, or got stuck with a boring person or missed out on meeting new people, then take hope! These 3 CDs and booklet give you the essential keys to overcoming all these problems. You'll learn how to make interesting conversations, talk easily to people, including strangers; and to exit politely. Never be lost for words again.
Order only online now! Only $75.00, with no extra for postage, world-wide.
There are free tips on conversations available for you to read or download on our website: "Ten Tips for the "Art of Chat"
There are also other relevant Newsletters on the website:
No. 9 - Sunday afternoon conversations - gone wrong!
No. 44 - Getting on top of conversations.
No. 57 - Introducing Yourself.
Other courses coming up shortly:
"Understanding Yourself - Managing Others" on Thursday, 15th March 2001, 9.05 am - 4.35 pm, Central City Perth, Western Australia. $218.90 ($199 plus 10% GST) per person.
"How Not to Take Things Personally" on Friday, 23rd March 2001, 9.00 am - 4.00 pm, Central City Perth, Western Australia. $207.90 ($189 plus 10% GST) per person.
For all course details and bookings you can go directly to the website: Bookings.
email:
phone (+61 8) 9390 1188; fax (+61 8) 9390 1199
Tip seven - Prepare in advance
If you find you run out of topics to talk about - be kind to yourself and think of at least five topics you'll be able to talk about before you arrive at your dinner party or gathering. After all, you work out what to wear, how to get there, how much money to take - so why not what to talk about? If you don't do that the best listener in the world, the fullest wallet and the nicest food might all be wasted because you're miserable. So join in and enjoy your conversation!
Happy talking,
Rachel
