Most of us regularly attend meetings, whether at work or at neighbourhood or social groups. So how good are you at speaking out? Do you join in and make sure your opinion is heard? Or do you take it all in but say little?
I've been on committees where some people have hardly said a word but then when a motion is voted on they've raised their hands against the motion without anyone knowing why. This seems like a missed opportunity to influence the other people. Others speak out but only once, and then when someone interrupts, challenges or talks over the top of them, they go quiet. Others, especially Introverts, can find it hard to speak up, or even think, if a meeting is noisy and so may not have the chance to form a clear opinion. Many women I have worked with have also said they find it hard to get their point across in male dominated meetings. And I've heard both men and women complain that when they've made a point no-one pays any attention, but when others then say the same things they're given the credit. And on our problems go. Meetings can be very frustrating! So here are some tips on speaking out at meetings. A future newsletter will look at how to chair meetings to give everyone a fair hearing. The success of meetings is the responsibility of each of us as participants, and of the chairperson.
2. Top tips for speaking out at meetings.
Tip A. Read the agenda in advance and think about your viewpoint
Some people don't speak out in meetings because they need time to think through the issues. These are typically Introverts on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). If this is you, get an agenda beforehand and work out what your opinion is in advance of the meeting. Then when you arrive know what you want to say and if it helps, take in notes to remind you.
Tip B: Take up space
Do not hide your physical presence at a meeting. I've seen people squashed between others, with very little elbow room or sitting in a very tight position. Make your elbow room, make yourself comfortable, don't look as though you are apologising for being there. Make sure you are clearly visible, especially to the chairperson. Take up space. Confident people take up space. Allow your hands to leave your lap, don't twine your legs around each other, move your arms. Make your presence obvious.
Tip C. Look as though you are keen to be involved
As a chairperson I can look around at meetings and spot two types of people. Those who have come with the intention of being there to listen, and those who have come with the intention to participate. (A third group, of course, don't want to be there at all, and they are also obvious!) Set yourself up to participate from the very beginning - sit forward on your chair, have your pen and paper ready, make eye contact with the chair person. Look as though you will have something to say and are keen to contribute.
Tip D. Don't back down too quickly - stand your ground
If someone interrupts you, asks you a question, or wants you to justify your opinion look on this positively as an opportunity for you to explain further, to demonstrate your thinking processes and to continue your explanation. Some personality types, e.g. iNtuitive Thinkers (NTs) may challenge you to help you prove the validity of your ideas and they may be open to being convinced by a good argument. Go for it. If someone interrupts you or talks over the top of you, interrupt them back. If someone stops you part way, allow the interruption then continue where you left off. You may even ask the chair for permission to continue. It is the Chairperson's responsibility to request others to be quiet.
Tip E: Be clearly audible
Make your opinion in a way that is easy for everyone to hear. No, you don't have to shout or use a loud voice. You do have to use a voice that can be heard easily though and if there's a lot of noise you may initially have to increase the volume of your voice. To be listened to - you have to be heard!
Tip F: Catch the Chairperson's eye
Make sure the chairperson knows you want to speak. Catch her eye, move forward, raise your hand or finger, address the chair "Madam Chair ..."; do whatever it takes (within reason) to make the chairperson notice you and give you the opportunity to speak. Streaking around the meeting room or yelling do not constitute within reason!
3. Want to know more? Resources for you world-wide - many of them free.
Other free newsletters:
Here are some other useful FREE! newsletters and tips to help you. They are on the rachelgreen.com website for you to read or print off whenever you wish.
Number 102: Giving a brilliant presentation. By Rachel Green.
Number 6: The man who spoke to the chickens before he spoke to hundreds. By Rachel Green.
Number 5: Standing in front of a group and being your best. By Rachel Green.
Tips
Ten Tips for Being Taken Seriously by Rachel Green.
Ten Tips for Better Presentations by Miranda Liebmann.
4. Another top website:
Of all the feedback we get at Rachel's Reflections, many comments have been about the relationship section. So here is an Australian website on relationships: http://www.relationships.com.au
It includes tips on building better relationships at work as well as in romantic relationships and unravels some myths on relationships which may have led you astray in the past. It even comes with a quiz to see how your relationships rate. How would you answer this question:
If you rated your sex life on a lust monitor would it be:
bleeping wildly
barely a blip
reliably pulsating!
5. Relationship Hits No 7: Plan quality time together each week
Most of us are very busy and some couples seem to pass each other like ships in the night. Statistically, the amount of time that couples spend talking together each day is incredibly low, only a few minutes. Instead of just hoping that you'll get some time together, plan for it. Sit down at the start of each week and decide between you, what special time will we put aside? What will we do together that is really good for both of us? When will we guarantee this will happen? How will we do this? It may mean booking baby sitters, missing out on a trip to the gym or taking a flexi-day, but make it happen. It also means, once it's decided, that you keep that time sacred and say "no" to other demands on that time.
6. Business Booster No 8: Phone people to remind them of appointments
A tip from my Leah Colman: "Make a courtesy phone call to remind people the day before an appointment. It is so easy for people to forget appointments. So whether you're a real estate professional, optician or physiotherapist, cut your losses and give a 24 hour reminder call. It will stop you wasting your time and increase the number of people turning up for appointments."
7. Have a laugh.
Thanks to Rachel's Reflections reader, Sharron Attwood, for the following gems.
Why we love kids
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the car ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
Seen any more? Send your contributions and jokes to
May you gain the respect you deserve and have the confidence to speak out and be heard.
With kindness,
Until next fortnight,
Rachel.
