COMMUNICATE

How to be the ideal dinner guest, by Rachel Green.

20-Jul-2005, Number 163

Welcome to this 163rd edition of Rachel's Reflections, the number one Internet publication providing you with practical, dynamic help to develop your emotional intelligence and communication skills.
Written and published by Rachel Green.
Visit our website at http://www.rachelgreen.com
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In this edition:

1. How to be the ideal dinner guest.
   
2. Latest news: Watch out for Perth Vita magazine.
3. Top tips on how to be an ideal dinner guest.
4. How you can learn more at home or work, immediately: FREE book "Midlife and Happiness".
5. Fortnightly Feelings: "I was anxious."
6. Laugh your socks off.
   

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1. How to be the ideal dinner guest.

I bet you're like me and have been to dinner parties where some people have hardly said a word and others have drunk too much and slobbered all over you! I had a client recently describe a horror dinner party. She said the man on her left became so engrossed in conversation with the person on his left that he ended up turning his back and cutting her out completely. And then to make it really awful the person on her other side did the same thing! That's breaking the rules of being a great guest at dinner. So how can you be the ideal dinner guest? Read on to the tips section to find out.

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2. Latest news: New magazine features Rachel and Co!

I was contacted by a new magazine, Perth Vita, that is being published in Western Australia, to talk about being a perfect dinner guest. A great topic! Then they asked for a photo shoot and sent along a photographer to meet me over lunch. I was in the middle of one of our EI courses on clarity, so rather than just photograph me, he took me with the group. It was a good job everyone kept their cool, as Andrew found his lunch being whisked away from him and put in front of me, Karen got told not to sit next to me because she looked too glamourous and others got prodded and poked to sit in just the perfect pose. The result hasn't been seen yet but it was great fun! So keep your eye open for the new Perth Vita magazine at the end of August/early September, and see what we all looked like!

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3. Top tips on how to be an ideal dinner guest.

Tip A. Have something to say.

Prepare at least 5 topics to talk about before you go. Have something to say and contribute interesting topics, information or experiences to the conversation. Don't just sit back and wait for others to ask you questions or think of topics. You also need to contribute.

Tip B. Help others enjoy the party.

Engage other people around the table. This doesn't mean telling them jokes and trying to be the life and soul of the party as this can sometimes be to the exclusion of quieter people. What it does mean is drawing other people into your conversations, inviting them to respond, using their names, being interested in them and making a conversation. Do not dominate the conversation or launch into a monologue. Do not only look at one person and exclude the rest. And do look out for signs that people are simply being polite and getting bored by what you're saying. If you see these signs, change your topic and invite others to take over for a while. Talk and listen to everyone.

Tip C. Move and mingle.

At a dinner party it is easy to stay sitting next to one person because you get in your comfort zone. Be willing to move. You may swap places with someone between courses thereby helping everyone to mingle.

Tip D. Don't turn up early.

If it's a dinner party and the host is being kind enough to cook a delicious meal for you, be on time. Don't be early. The host may not be ready for you. Don't embarrass your host. Don't be after the allotted time. It may ruin the food. If in doubt about the timing ask the host.

Tip E. Tell the host in advance of your eating requirements.

Do not wait until the food is being served, only to find it contains tomatoes and you're allergic to tomatoes; or it's a roast dinner and you don't eat meat. Tell the host before accepting the invitation, "I'm not sure if you know I'm a vegetarian" is all you have to say; or "I'm sorry but I'm allergic to shellfish".

Tip F. Take responsibility for enjoying yourself.

If you are sitting there desperate to leave early, ask yourself if there is anything you can do to enjoy yourself more. Have you become cut out of the conversations because you didn't join in early? Have you withdrawn because you didn't really want to go in the first place? Are you being negative inside your own head about the other people? If you are doing any of these things take responsibility for your own enjoyment. Contribute more.

4. How you can learn more at home or work, immediately.

How to be a winner at dinner: Chat and network with confidence and skill
This 3 CD set will help you develop your conversational skills at dinner and other events. Have lots of topics to talk about, avoid awkward silences, avoid running out of things to say and make yourself sound interesting. Order now! AU$75.00, with no extra for postage, world-wide!

BONUS OFFER - If you purchase "Be a winner at dinner" you'll get completely free, a copy of the book "Midlife and Happiness" valued at $34.95. Hurry and order now, as this offer closes on 27th July 2005.

Other free newsletters:

There are now over 160 newsletters bursting with practical tips on the rachelgreen.com website for you to read or print off whenever you wish. Click here to read them.

Tips

Benefit from other useful tips on the rachelgreen.com website. Topics range from how to talk to teenagers or elderly parents to personality types, body language and developing your emotional intelligence.
NEW - Ten tips on being the ideal dinner guest. Click here to read them.

5. Check your Fortnightly Feelings: Anxious.

How many feeling words do you have in your vocabulary? You need the language of emotions to understand and think about emotions and to communicate clearly.

Today's word is anxious.
"When I was a little girl I grew up in the company not only of my own family but with another family, the adults of which were like an Aunt and Uncle to me. Over the years my family moved away from Western Australia to Melbourne. We still kept in touch with the other family, and Alice and Bob came to visit us on all special occasions including my wedding. Recently we got news that Bob was dying. My husband said I must go to the funeral but I thought "No!" I'd rather see him while he is alive. So I persuaded my Mum to come with me and we agreed to fly over to see Bob before he died. As I boarded the plane I was a mix of emotions. I was very happy to be going to see him. I was sad. And I wondered how I would react. I mean, I am the type who blubbers easily, and I just didn't want to do that in front of him. I also had never been with someone dying before. And Alice is also the type who makes a great fuss of visitors and I didn't want to put her to any trouble. So all in all, I can quite clearly say, I was anxious."

The strength of the emotion: Medium. Anxiety can range from mild to severe.

Associated emotions: Tense, apprehensive, on-edge, nervous, up-tight, uncertain, concerned, tentative.

6. Laugh your socks off.

Thanks to Rachel's Reflections reader, Warren Kruger from Taxwise, for this joke.

Goldberg was bragging to his boss one day, 'You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Goldberg, how about ... Tom Cruise?'
'Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.'
So Goldberg and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, 'Goldberg! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!
Although impressed, Goldberg's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Goldberg that he thinks Goldberg's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
'No, no, just name anyone else,' Goldberg says.
'President Bush,' his boss quickly retorts.
'Yes,' Goldberg says, 'I know him, let's fly out to Washington.'
And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Goldberg on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, 'Goldberg, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in. Let's have a cup of coffee first, and catch up.
The boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Goldberg, who again implores him to name anyone else.
'The Pope,' his boss replies.
'Sure! says Goldberg. 'I've known the Pope a long time.'
So off they fly to Rome.
Goldberg and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Goldberg says, 'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.'
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Goldberg emerges with the Pope on the balcony; but by the time Goldberg returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss's side, Goldberg asks him.
'What happened?'
His boss looks up and says, 'I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked,
'Who's that on the balcony with Goldberg?'

If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to

Enjoy your dinner parties and be a great guest so people want to invite you back.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.

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How I can help you, now.

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1. "Happy not hassled: Manage your emotions, meditate and find contentment": 2 CD set, only $45.
2. "How to deal with difficult people WITHOUT GETTING UPSET.": 2 CD set only $45.
3. "Midlife and Happiness": A book to inspire anyone over 40. Only $34.95.
4. "How to be a winner at dinner: Chat and network with confidence": 3 CD set and booklet, only $75.

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Make sure you read the next Rachel's Reflections:

	Happy to get older.
	How to be the perfect dinner party host or hostess
	Team work made easier.

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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation. Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have in your communication, inter-personal or people skills. Thank you.