Written and published by Rachel Green.
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In this edition:
- Overcoming the fear of public speaking.
- Latest news: Lots of free new tips.
- Top tips on how to overcome the fear of public speaking.
- Boost your confidence in front of an audience: Buy a set of "Happy not hassled" CDs and receive a second set absolutely free.
- Laugh your socks off.
1. The fear of facing an audience.
It is well known that many people get frightened and anxious when they have to stand up and speak in public. Some get anxious simply speaking out at a meeting. I have asked many people why this is. The commonest answer I get is that they fear rejection. They worry that they will make fools of themselves or embarrass themselves. What strikes me most about the way people describe speaking in public is that they believe it is inevitable that people are scared and there is no way around it. In contrast, I believe that confidence is a set of skills that can be learnt. That most of us practise being nervous and destroy our confidence. There are in fact quite specific activities that can be done to overcome the fear of public speaking. Read on to the tips section to find out what some of them are.
2. Latest news: Tips, tips and more free tips.
I am very keen, at the moment, to write a whole new series of tips on the website. These are all free. More are appearing on the website each week. Make sure you keep the tips page bookmarked: http://www.rachelgreen.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?articles so you don’t miss them.
They will cover a diverse range of topics from how to keep the romance alive in your marriage or relationship, through to overcoming the fear of public speaking, how to foster inter-faith harmony and how to run a bed and breakfast! Requests for tips are welcome.
Here are the latest tips for you:
- Being a Master of Ceremonies at a wedding: Ten tips on how to be a good Master of Ceremonies, by Rachel Green.
- Ten tips on how to boost your mental energy, by Rachel Green.
- Ten ways to a better night's sleep, by Rachel Green
- Ten Tips to stop tiredness and fatigue, by Rachel Green.
- Ten Tips on finding out why you are tired, by Rachel Green.
Click here to read them.
3. Top tips on how to overcome the fear of public speaking.
There is a lot to say on this but I have just selected five of the many possible tips. There will be more on our confidence CDs in the months ahead.
Tip A: Monitor your thinking before the event.
A lot of our fear is produced by what we think about what will happen, and then how we feel about that. This is true of public speaking. Monitor your thoughts. Whenever you find yourself thinking, "It will be dreadful", or "I must be mad to do this", or “What happens if I go blank?” let go of that thought and return to something far more neutral or even to saying something like, "It will be a privilege." It will only be dreadful if your thoughts make it so.
Tip B: Know your key points.
Do not over-prepare and think you need to be word perfect and must have every single word written out. You are speaking. Spoken speech is different from written speech. For most people having a word perfect script can increase fear and anxiety as they become worried that they will say the wrong word or lose their place. It also doesn’t allow you enough flexibility to adapt to the audience’s responses and needs on the day.
Instead, make sure you are very clear on the key points you will make. Know these off by heart, keep them simple, don’t have more than 7 and if possible even fewer, and have them on your power points or in large print in front of you. If you ever forget what you are saying you can always fall back on a key point, and say something like “above all else what I want you to take away from this speech today is .....” and then repeat a key point. The audience won’t know you lost your way and you will get back on track easily. I have done it many times!
Tip C: Practise sending loving kindness to the audience in advance.
I will often meditate prior to a speaking engagement. Rather than thinking how hostile the audience might be, or how disinterested they will be, I imagine a feeling of warmth and kindness flowing from me to the audience. Over time what I’ve discovered is that when I walk on to the stage to speak, I feel warmth for the audience, instead of fear of them. With practice the loving kindness takes over and becomes an automatic part of me. Whenever I speak I practise sending loving kindness to my audience in advance, whether it's a workshop, a meeting or a conference, this is my main preparation. And once I learnt to do this easily and well, it stopped my fears of speaking in public.
How do you imagine your audience before you speak: is it positively or negatively? Conjuring up negativity about your audience will increase not decrease your fears. If you want to hear more about this particular loving kindness exercise I do - I have recorded it on the Happy not hassled CDs so you can also practise it.
Tip D: While you wait to speak - breathe in, and breathe out, nothing else.
A lot of fear can build up while waiting, e.g. waiting for your turn to speak, waiting to walk on stage, waiting for your cue. What you do while you are waiting can make such a difference to how you feel. While you are waiting stop rehearsing your lines, let the anxieties leave and focus on your breathing. Just know you are breathing in, just know you are breathing out. At any moment when panic beckons, when your mind goes blank, when things go wrong, just know you are breathing in, just know you are breathing out. Focus on your breathing. This can help calm you down. I have found this more helpful than taking big deep breaths as these can increase anxiety and tension, and lead to hyperventilation. Again, there is a breath meditation that you can practise on the Happy not hassled CDs so you can get used to doing this, well before you have to speak in public, so that it comes easily to you on the day.
Tip E: Focus on the audience.
Focus on the audience. Take the focus off yourself. A speech is for the audience. Therefore focus on the audience. Many people who are frightened of speaking in front of an audience, worry about themselves: worrying about making a fool of themselves, worrying whether they'll go blank, thinking that they'll blush or make fools of themselves; worrying that they’ll get difficult questions that they won't be able to answer. All this is self-focused. Being self-focused, in my experience, leads to nervousness and anxiety. Being audience focused, lessens the anxiety and takes it off you, and puts your attention on to the audience. Work on relating to the audience, reading the audience, and connecting with the audience. Help the audience learn.
4. How you can learn more about relaxing in front of an audience.
Happy not hassled: Using meditation to manage your emotions and find contentment.
This 2CD set will help you stay relaxed while you speak in front of an audience. It can also help reduce anxiety, stress and worry in other situations as well. The two meditations I use frequently to help me speak in public are on these CDs and I practise them regularly. AU$45.00 with no extra for postage, world-wide. Order now!
Bonus: If you buy these CDs on the website no later than Wednesday 21st March 2007, then you will receive a second copy of the CDs for FREE, worth $45. Give them to a friend and help them too. To be eligible for the free copy you must order through our On-line Book and CD store and add on the order form under the comments section "A free RR copy". Don't miss out - hurry as this offer closes, Wednesday 21st March 2007. This offer is ONLY available to Rachel's Reflections Readers.
5. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to Mike Green, in Perth, for this fortnight’s joke.
Cricket in Heaven.
Two ninety year old men, Nev and Vic, have been friends all their lives.
It seems that Vic is dying, and so Nev comes to visit him every day.
"Vic," says Nev, "You know how we have both loved cricket all our lives, and how we played together for so many years. Vic, you have to do me one favour. When you get to Heaven, and I know you will go to Heaven, somehow you've got to let me know if there's cricket in Heaven."
Vic looks up at Nev from his death bed, and says,"Nev, you've been my best friend many years. This favour, if it is at all possible, I'll do for you." And shortly after that, Vic dies.
It is midnight a couple of nights later.
Nev is sound asleep when he is awakened by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calls out to him, "Nev.... Nev...."
"Who is it?" says Nev sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Nev, it's me, Vic."
"Come on. You're not Vic. Vic just died."
"I'm telling you," insists the voice. "It's me, Vic!"
"Vic? Is that you? Where are you?"
"I'm in heaven," says Vic , "and I've got to tell you, I've got really good news and a little bad news."
"So, tell me the good news first," says Nev.
"The good news is that there is cricket in heaven."
"Better yet, all our old mates who've gone before us are there."
"Better yet, we're all young men again."
"Better yet, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows."
"And best of all, we can play cricket all we want, and we never get tired!"
"Really?" says Nev, "That is fantastic, wonderful beyond my wildest dreams! But, what's the bad news?"
"You're opening the batting next Tuesday."
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
May you find confidence facing a crowd.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.
Further information for you
If you'd like me to speak at your function on happiness, emotional intelligence, confidence, presentation skills, staying calm with negative people or a similar topic; or run an in-house seminar; or provide 1-1 coaching; e-mail or call +61 8 9390 1188.
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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation.
Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have with your communication, health, presentation skills, inter-personal relationships or psychological well-being. Thank you.
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