Written and published by Rachel Green.
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In this edition:
- Does guilt mean you have done something wrong?
- Wanted: Your stories on wedding receptions and masters of ceremony.
- Top tips on: Six ways to manage guilt intelligently.
- ENERGY for living CD set: Two for the price of one special offer.
- Laugh your socks off.
1. Does guilt mean you have done something wrong?
Do you ever feel guilty? Most of us do, but some of us more than others. Some women I have worked with, in my emotional intelligence courses, can even manage to feel guilty about not feeling guilty!
Guilt can leave us feeling bad about ourselves, even when we've done nothing bad. We may simply stand up for ourselves, or say "No" nicely to an unreasonable request, or take a few moments to relax ourselves, and we can feel guilty.
If you feel guilty what do you do because of it? Does it make you behave in a particular way? For many of us we stop what we are doing. For example, we hold back from speaking out, or we do something for someone else instead of giving ourselves the care we needed, or we do something we didn’t want to do.
Yet, this isn't necessarily the most emotionally intelligent way to manage guilt. Guilt does not always mean we have done anything wrong. Guilt does not necessarily mean we are about to be punished or commit a crime. Sometimes guilt arises because we’ve been manipulated. Sometimes it is there because we were trained to feel guilty as a child. Sometimes the guilt is simply there through habit. So what can we do when we feel guilty? Read on to the tips section to find out.
2. Latest news: Wedding reception tips wanted.
The first edition of "Travelling In Australia: 112 things your travel agent may not have told you - for new British visitors", is now available. And, it is only $9.95. If you have visitors coming over to Australia send them a copy and if you are visiting Australia read this before you arrive. Click here to get your copy.
I am starting to do the next edition of the "How to be a brilliant Master of Ceremonies" E-book - our most popular book which is selling world-wide on a daily basis. I am putting in a special section on being a wedding MC. Do you have any stories about good or bad things that masters of ceremonies have done at your own wedding or other people’s weddings? If so, I'd love to include them. You may have been a master or mistress of ceremonies yourself - please send me your tips or stories. I have already included the failed MC we had at our wedding - our MC stood up, said one sentence and sat down again! What we hadn't bargained on was stage fright. If you tell me your story and we include it - you will receive a free copy of the book - and your story will be credited to you. (If you have a relevant business website that can be included too.) It might be what the MCs said in a speech, how they introduced people, jokes they told, toasts they gave, or how they helped you feel relaxed ... anything that is relevant to weddings and masters of ceremonies will be welcome.
Please send your tips and stories to:
3. Six ways to manage guilt intelligently.
Tip 1: Ask yourself why.
Do not automatically assume that any guilt that arises has a justifiable reason for being there. It may have nothing to do with your present situation. It may simply be there because you keep letting it arise and have not dealt well with it previously. Guilt can be a habit. Sometimes we may rely on the guilt to stop us from learning skills that we need, or to avoid dealing with a conflict, or to avoid becoming our true selves. So whenever guilt arises ask it, "Why are you here?" Challenge the guilt. Is it there because it is relevant? Are you really about to do something so bad that guilt should be overwhelming you? Or are you guilty because someone has manipulated you? Or because you were brought up to believe that you should always be "Nice"; or because of your religion or other influence. Know WHY you are feeling guilty before you decide whether it should have any power over you or not.
Tip 2: When making a decision about what to do - don't let guilt decide for you.
Emotionally intelligent decisions and emotional ones are not the same. When guilt arises it does not mean that you have to immediately let it dictate to you what you should do. This would be an emotional decision. Instead, acknowledge the emotion. Don’t shove it underground or ignore it. Know it for what it is. It is guilt. Then use this as part of the data for making a decision. Notice I say part of. In addition to the emotional data also factor in all the factual information you have, all the cognitive data that is also related to that decision. Emotional information plus cognitive information - usually results in a more emotionally intelligent decision.
Tip 3: Face the guilt to get rid of it.
Some people appear almost frightened of guilt. They give into it whenever it arises. Do not assume that the guilt has a right to be there. It may just be a mean friend that you need to get rid of and stop being so obedient to. One way to do this is to face it. Take a good hard look at guilt. Where do you feel it? What does it feel like? Is it really so awful? Does it have two heads? Is it bright red or a dull grey? Does it sit in your stomach or the heel of your foot? Instead of letting it overwhelm you - show it you are not frightened by it. It may then slink away not wanting the exposure!
Tip 4: Double the guilt to get rid of it.
It is possible to play around with guilt to stop it taking you over. Try to double it. Yes! It is an emotionally intelligent way of managing your emotions. Instead of giving into guilt, or pushing it away try deliberately increasing it. It is such a funny concept but it is meant to be. I have never been able to double guilt when I have tried. What has happened though is that I have been able to laugh at myself as a consequence, and I have noticed it has disappeared. It no longer has power over me when I try to double it. Don't let guilt have power over you.
Tip 5: Watch out for manipulation.
Some people will deliberately go out of their way to feed your guilty feelings. If they know you feel guilt easily, and you give into your feelings of guilt, then they will manipulate you. All they have to do, to get you to do something, is to make you feel guilty. And hey presto! they have you where they want you. Our children, bosses, mothers, salesmen, grandmothers and more can all do this (and we may do it to others too.) Have antenna up for "manipulators" and make a determination that they are not going to rule your life. People who don't give into guilt or don’t let it keep arising are less likely to be manipulated than those who easily feel guilty and give into it. Be strong.
Tip 6: If you are about to break the law - don't.
Guilt can be there for a good reason. If you are about to physically hit someone, or break the law, or waste all your money, or do something that is wrong, the guilt is there to stop you from doing it. If you are about to break the law and bring real harm to someone - let the guilt stop you. However, this type of helpful guilt is far less common than the mean hearted guilt that manipulates you.
4. Guilt can drain our energy - here’s how to have more energy.
Energy for living: How to have abundant energy and feel fully alive - for busy women who feel tired, run-down or depleted.
Guilt can drain our energy. Not being able to say "No" can drain our energy. Being manipulated can tire us. The more energy you have the more likely you are to be alert and awake to what is happening, and to have the energy to put into improving your situation. The greater your energy, therefore, the easier it is to stay emotionally intelligent. This 2CD set is the one that will help you the most to keep your energy up. I talk you through many different aspects of how to have energy and draw on many examples from my own life, including what I eat and how I choose my priorities. Amy Richardson, a journalist, once described me as "a pint sized dynamo", and asked me where I got my energy from, you’ll find out on these CDs. Everything I talk about I use in my own life to keep my energy levels high. You will also gain some great tips on knowing your priorities so you can say "No" more easily - another great way of handling guilt. AU$39.00 with no extra for postage, world-wide. Order now!
Bonus: If you buy these CDs on the website no later than Tuesday afternoon 29th May 2007, then you will receive a second copy of the CDs for FREE, worth $39. Give them to a friend and help them too. To be eligible for the free copy you must order through our On-line Book and CD store and on the order form where it says "How did you hear about this product?" click "newsletter." Don't miss out - hurry as this offer closes, Tuesday 29th May 2007. This offer is ONLY available to Rachel's Reflections Readers.
5. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to one of our Rachel's Reflections readers, Erik Leipoldt, for this fortnight’s joke.
A cannibal booked a round-the-world flight from central Africa. He went 1st class as the airline had advertised that his every individual need
would be catered for. He had a great time - with meal times a
particular favorite. An experience of a life time. Until the last refuelling stop before landing at his home airport. When
he got on the plane this time he felt very sad. Depressed even. Why?
Well, it was going to be his last leg of the journey!
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
May you mange your guilt well and make emotionally intelligent decisions.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.
Further information for you
If you'd like me to speak at your function or seminar on happiness, emotional intelligence, confidence, presentation skills, staying calm with negative people, emotionally intelligent customer service, or a similar topic; or provide you with 1-1 coaching; e-mail or call +61 8 9390 1188.
Learn in your own time.
There are five CD sets, a printed book and 6 Electronic books to help you, including the NEW! CD set on "How to have abundant energy," and the new E-book on "Travelling In Australia." Please order in our online book and CD store - we have a secure server: click here.
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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation.
Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have with your emotions, communication, health, presentation skills, inter-personal relationships or psychological well-being. Thank you.
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