Written and published by Rachel Green.
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In this edition:
- Don't let self-doubt steal your confidence.
- Latest news: Welcome to everyone from South Africa and around the world.
- Top tips on: How to dump self-doubt and create confidence.
- Personally autographed copies of "A successful marriage" CD available to the first 10 readers who buy them.
- Laugh your socks off.
1. Don't let self-doubt steal your confidence.
Self-doubt is the thief that steals your confidence.
Self-doubt is the fuel for low self-esteem. Just as when you put petrol on a fire, the fire burns; when you pour self-doubt on your confidence your low self-esteems flares up and becomes worse.
What do I mean by self-doubt? I mean all those negative things we say to ourselves that tell us we are not good enough or which suggest we don't deserve better, or that we are stupid, ugly, or unlovable. All these nagging thoughts and worries we have undermine our self-esteem and confidence.
How can we dump the doubts and create more confidence? Read on to the tips section to find out.
2. Latest news: Welcome to everyone from South Africa.
Welcome to all our new readers of Confidence 4 U. This month we have had a significant number of people from South Africa join us - welcome, it is great to have you along. A big welcome also, to all the rest of you from around the world including: Canada, UK, New Zealand, USA, Indonesia, and of course, Australia.
It's out! For the first time ever, Mike, my husband, has agreed to make a CD with me on: "A successful marriage: How to have a long and happy marriage and overcome the problems".
It is marriage advice like you've never heard it before! It's not from academics, or celebrities, or the rich and famous but from a real, ordinary couple who are happily married. And the conversation is raw, revealing and intimate. We feel a bit vulnerable now it's out and Mike is happy to retreat back to his shed!
The aim is not to make your relationship like ours, but to give you and your spouse or partner some practical ideas to talk about, to give you something to stimulate your conversation, so you can find your own path to happiness.
I am now back in the recording studios working on the "Confidence for women" CD series. It has been fascinating listening to all the 11 women involved. One of the main trends to come out so far is that of the women who were confident a significant number of them really like and are interested in other people. They focus on other people rather than worrying about themselves. Do you like and focus on other people or do you worry about yourself? It could make a difference to your confidence.
If you would like to be kept up-to-date with the launch of
new products just send an e-mail to: and we will add you to our new products e-mail list.
3. How to dump doubt and create confidence
Tip 1: Know if you talk yourself down.
Do you say any of the following to yourself?
- I don't deserve to do well / have more money / be loved / be treated well.
- I'm not good enough.
- I'm too old / stupid / lazy / clumsy / inept / weak / slow ...
- No-one will employ someone over 40 / 50 / without a degree ...
- I don't see what she / he sees in me.
- This wouldn't have happened if I were nicer / smarter / prettier / taller / more handsome / more muscular ...
- My opinions aren't worth listening to / I have nothing worth saying / no-one would want to hear what I have to say anyway.
- I'm not important enough / I don't have enough qualifications / they are all more senior, older and smarter than me.
- I'm a failure / a loser / hopeless.
- I mess up everything I touch / I can never do anything right.
- If I say something I might be wrong / I don't know enough.
- I can't change. I am the way I am.
These are all examples of self-limiting self-doubts. And there are many more. What do you say to yourself? You need to know if you talk yourself down - as these kinds of doubts eat away at your self-esteem. They are probably stealing your confidence every time you think them. The good news is you can stop them.
Tip 2: Just because you have self-doubts doesn't mean they are right.
Don't always believe what you think. Most of us have quite chaotic thinking. One moment we tell ourselves how silly we are, the next moment we think we are smart, then we think we are stupid, then clever, then slow, then smart again ... and on our thoughts go.
One day you might feel great wearing an item of clothing, the next day you think it looks bad on you. One day you think you are doing really well at work, the next day you think you aren't very good at your job. Why would you believe all your thoughts unless you had some concrete evidence to back them up, or you have evaluated them clearly in a calm way? Most are probably incorrect and of no value to you.
Tip 3: Know the origin of your self-doubts.
Do you know where your doubts came from? Maybe you think your thoughts are your own. They are often not. For example, they may be there because they were said to you when you were teased and bullied at school, work or in sport. You may then have repeated them to yourself until they became your own. You may have done this so often or for so long that you have lost touch with where they came from or why they were said in the first place. Want more confidence? Take one of your self-doubts and see if you can work out who put it there. Then it can be easier to know what rubbish it is and to discard it.
Tip 4: Just because someone important gave you your self-doubts doesn't make them right.
Most self-doubts are wrong - very wrong. Some of them have been put there by our parents, grandparents, teachers, bosses, religious leaders or other important people. They may have been deliberately put there by people who wanted to control us, or who wanted power over us, or who wanted to keep us in our place and manipulate us. This doesn't make them right. It doesn't matter who put them there – they have no right to stay. They are undermining your self-esteem and confidence. Do not give them significance just because someone important told them to you.
Tip 5: Say them in a silly voice.
Have fun with self-doubts or criticisms. They don't stay around if you don't take them seriously. Try saying the doubts out-loud in a really high-pitched squeal of a voice, so it sounds VERY SILLY. Until you laugh. It is far harder to take seriously the comment, "I think you are going above yourself" or "How can you expect to get a promotion when you have only been here two years" when it is heard in a high-pitched squeal, isn't it? Any silly voice will do. Just don't take those self-doubt seriously.
4. How to have a lasting and happy relationship.
"A successful marriage: How to have a long and happy marriage and overcome the problems."
Would you like to have a long and happy marriage? Would you like your problems to lessen and your love to increase? Would you like to save yourself the cost of a divorce? You can. Amidst all the celebrity failed marriages we see, and the marriage advice that is too theoretical to apply, here is something different, something you can trust. Mike and I have been brave enough to invite you behind the scenes of our 33 year marriage to hear an unscripted conversation about what makes it work and what we get up to. And it isn't necessarily what you'd expect! This is a unique, frank and intimate CD series. It's a real view, of a real marriage as it's never been heard before. Gain the confidence to make your marriage feel awesome. How wonderful that would be.
Bonus: The first ten readers to buy these CDS through our On-line Book and CD store will get a personally autographed copy signed by BOTH Mike and I.
Order now!
5. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to one of our Rachel's Reflections readers, Carrol Adams, for this fortnight's joke of a woman who clearly did not suffer from self-doubt!
Mid-life crisis:
I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 36 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, no car, no TV, no money and slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a hot, good looking 18 year old.
Now, we have a beautiful house, two nice cars, king size bed, money and a 50" screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 54 year old woman.
It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 18 year old beautiful girl, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, with no car, no money, and sleeping on a sofa bed.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
May you find strength and confidence to be yourself, to like yourself and to be at your best.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.
Further information for you
If you'd like me to speak at your function or seminar on happiness, emotional intelligence, confidence, presentation skills, staying calm with negative people, emotionally intelligent customer service, or a similar topic; or MC your event; or provide you with 1-1 coaching; e-mail or call +61 8 9390 1188.
Learn in your own time.
There are six CD sets, a printed book and 6 Electronic books to help you, including the NEW! CD set on "A successful marriage," and the new 3rd edition of the E-book "How to be a brilliant master of ceremonies." Please order in our online book and CD store - we have a secure server: click here.
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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation.
Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have with your confidence, communication, self-esteem, inter-personal relationships, emotional management, or psychological well-being. Thank you.
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