Written and published by Rachel Green.
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In this edition:
- Welcome and background news.
- Top tips on how to find role models and mentors to boost your personal development and self-esteem.
- Extra tips on building your confidence in various situations.
- Special offer: F.R.E.E. CD set, two for the price of one: "Confidence for women in social situations and life in general".
- Laugh your socks off.
1. Welcome.
The people you surround yourself with matter. The people you look up to, talk to and identify with can lead you to a positive life direction or a negative one. They can help you advance your potential or encourage you to stay stuck where you are.
Who do you look up to for inspiration? What types of people do you surround yourself with? What role models help you build your self-esteem and confidence?
Mentors are people you can look up to, people who have succeeded in ways that you want to. They are people who act, in ways that show you what is possible and which encourage you to take bigger steps in your life than you might otherwise do.
So who are your mentors? How can they help? Where can you find them? Who makes a suitable mentor? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Welcome to all our new readers from around the world, including this fortnight from the UK, New Zealand, USA, Nigeria, South Africa, Australia, Malaysia and more. Welcome! Please tell your friends and colleagues about Confidence 4 U - that is the only way the tips can reach more people.
The winner this fortnight, of a free E-book from our range, is cosean13 from the USA. If this is you, please contact us to claim your prize by Saturday 20th September 2008:
2. The TOP TIPS: How to find role models and mentors to boost your personal development and self-esteem.
Tip 1: Actively look out for mentors.
Don't just sit back and wish there were better people in your life. Go out and find them. Mentors don't even need to be people you know personally, they may just be people you know of or about. They may be people you see in the media. They may be community leaders, celebrities or sports stars. All that matters is that you know something about them that inspires you.
For example, Hiliary Clinton inspires me. Not because of her political viewpoints but because at the age of 59 she decided to run as President of the USA. I'm 55. I'm of an age where many women are wanting to stop work and wind down or who say "I'm too old to do that."
I would like to keep contributing to the world. I need to have role models of older women who show me that age is not a barrier, that the late 50's don't have to mean I hang up my boots and that we can still take on the world. If I give into the stereotypical late 50's woman I will fail to reach my potential.
Hiliary Clinton inspires me to keep going whatever my age (or hormonal status!). She shows me what is possible. She helps me override the self-limiting beliefs of many other women of my age. I once heard a woman in her 50's say she was too old to learn the computer. Can you imagine Hiliary Clinton saying that?
Actively look out for mentors who show you what is possible.
Tip 2. Choose mentors for a specific attribute, not because of everything about them.
There is no need to choose a mentor because you like or admire everything about them. Rather just one specific aspect can appeal to you. A person may demonstrate one kind of behaviour, or have done one thing that will give you the confidence to be or do the same.
For example, Serena Williams, the USA tennis player is a source of inspiration for me. Not because she is "black", not because she is a wonderful athlete, not even because she's a woman. Why then? Because of her ability to focus. When I watch her play tennis I am enthralled by her wonderful ability to be completely focused on what she is doing. She uses determination, one-pointedness and concentration, a behaviour that I rarely see in others around me.
When I'm feeling slack, when I get distracted from doing what is important, when I can't be bothered to do something that would be helpful to me, I can think of her. I ask myself, what would Serena do? "She'd be determined to see this through", I'd reply. "Well if she can, I can"... and so I end up having a conversation that motivates me to excel and succeed. I learn from her example.
Choose mentors for a specific attribute, not because of everything about them.
Tip 3. Choose someone who has the courage to do what you would like to do.
I've just had the opportunity to meet a fascinating group of women when I spoke at the ACWW (Associated Country Women of the World) South Pacific area conference. During my speech, I encouraged other women to tell their stories.
A lady came up to me and said, "I've just met the most amazing woman. I'm single and in my 50's and my dream is to own my own motor home and go travelling around Australia on my own. I've had a fall recently and all my friends think I'm mad. Everyone I meet back home tells me I'm stupid to even think about it. They have worn me down until now I have started to be filled with self-doubt. Now I've just met another woman at the conference. She has just driven over to Perth, on her own, from South Australia, that's a journey of over 3,000km. Yet she is eighty six years old. Now I know if she can do it, so can I. My friends are wrong. I can fulfil my dream. Now I know I am not mad after all."
This story illustrates how important it is to surround yourself with the people who will help you achieve your dreams and not hold you back. Find the people who have done what you want to do and learn from them. Choose someone who has the courage to do what you would like to do. Take courage from them, be inspired by them. In this way your own self-confidence can grow.
Tip 4. Choose a mentor who has the skills you want to have.
I was listening to a radio interview yesterday as I was driving the car. For twenty minutes an aggressive male interviewer tried to interrogate the female interviewee. The woman was very articulate. She had a lovely voice. She was very clear in her answers. All this impressed me.
But what impressed me the most was how warm and calm she remained throughout. At no stage did her voice tense up or tighten. At no stage did she lose her warmth and become aggressive. Nowhere in the interview was there any evidence that she was becoming frustrated, annoyed or upset. She was so kind and so calm. In the end the interviewer sounded foolish! Who was this woman? It was Anna Bligh, the first ever female State Premier of Queensland.
I want to be able to remain calm when challenged like that. I want to be able to remain warm and smooth even when someone is trying to undermine or manipulate me. My dream is to not let people get to me, however hard they argue, negate or put me down. And here was a wonderful role model doing that. Unlike other female politicians I've heard, she didn't become aggressive, patronising or harsh. She simply kept on sounding lovely.
I know now that what I want to achieve is possible, so when my self-doubt takes over, or I find myself getting riled, I can return to the image I have of Anna Bligh and return to being calm and lovely.
Mentors are very important. You can hear more about the value of mentors from Monika on our 2 CD set Confidence for women in social situations and life in general.
Do you have a mentor? Please send in your stories about your mentors and how they helped you: . We will put some of these in an upcoming newsletter. See your name in print!
3. Extra tips on building confidence in various situations.
Each month new tips are placed on our page of Personal Development Tips and Articles.
There are several sets on confidence for you to read. Click on the links to read three of the newest ones:
- Seven low cost ways to increase your self-esteem.
- Ten tips for doing effective and confident television interviews.
- How to re-build your self-confidence after a divorce.
4. Do you want to keep building your confidence?
Confidence for women in social situations and life in general.
Would you like to be more confident? You can. Would you like to overcome a loss of confidence? You can. Would you like to like yourself more, think more positively or gain more skills so your self-esteem increases? You can.
These unique CDs will show you how to build your self-confidence across your life and throughout your life. You will hear seven inspiring women, some confident and some low in confidence. You'll discover why women have problems with their confidence, and gain women's secrets for building and maintaining confidence. This is material that is not available elsewhere.
A wide range of situations is featured on the CDs, from overcoming divorce, managing a team and networking effectively, through to recovering from depression, finding the confidence to drive again after an accident, confidently travelling alone safely, and more.
For only AU$49 they could transform your life and overcome your lack of confidence. And, wherever you are in the world, this is all you pay - there is no extra for postage.
Order now!
If you order no later than Saturday 20th September 2008 then you will get a F.R.E.E. extra copy to give to a friend, to the value of $49. Help them become more confident too.
To be eligible for the extra copy you must order through our On-line Book and CD store and click NEWSLETTER when it asks you where you heard about the CDs. Don't miss out - this offer closes, Saturday 20th September 2008. This offer is ONLY available to CONFIDENCE 4 U readers.
Click here to order.
5. Laugh your socks off.
Women and communication.
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
May you be surrounded by positive, confident and inspiring people who help you to be your best.
With kindness,
Rachel.
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Disclaimer: The information in this magazine is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation.
Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have in your presentation skills, confidence, communication, inter-personal, managing your emotions or people skills. Thank you.
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