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Written and published by Rachel Green.
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In this edition:
- Welcome and background news.
- Top tips on how to provide encouragement.
- More tips on developing happiness.
- Special offer: F.R.E.E. CD set, "A Successful Marriage: How to have a long and happy marriage and overcome the problems". Buy one get one F.R.E.E.
- Laugh your socks off.
1. Welcome.
I have recently left a job I've been doing for a while. During my time there I wasn't sure how well I was performing but worked hard, monitored myself and coped well with difficult conditions. The people I was working with let me know when they were unhappy with what I was doing and pointed out improvements that needed to be made. This was helpful.
When I resigned I was stunned with the feedback I got. Person after person contacted me to say how disappointed and shocked they were that I was leaving. People listed the achievements I had made. People detailed the good personal characteristics I'd brought to the job. I was told how reliable I was, how I'd tackled the difficult issues that others would leave to one side, how my ability to understand government policies and procedures had been a significant advantage ... and on it went.
I was bewildered. Why was I getting this positive feedback and encouragement now but not during my contract? I had no idea that people thought positively about what I was doing. Had I known what I know now, I would have felt more encouraged and may have done even better. Instead, I felt isolated and unsupported at times.
It reminds me of funerals. When I go to a funeral and hear all the wonderful, heartfelt tributes to the person who has died, I hope and pray that the person was told all these things while they were alive. I doubt it.
Why is it that we don't affirm people in what they're doing? Why is it we stand back from giving words of encouragement yet are so quick and ready to criticise? Why is it that we wait until it is too late to tell people we love them, admire them or appreciate them? Why do we not make every day encouragement day?
Does it matter? Absolutely yes. When people feel valued, appreciated and acknowledged they are far more likely to maintain their motivation, confidence and willingness to work hard. They will put in a greater effort into a relationship. They will be more emotionally resilient in tough times. If you want more love give more encouragement. The advantages of providing encouragement are many and far reaching.
How can you express your appreciation of people, their work, their friendship, their abilities or whatever it is that you value in them?
Read on to the tips section to find out. It could revolutionise your relationships and boost your own satisfaction with life.
Welcome to all our new readers from around the world, including this fortnight from India and Australia.
The winner this fortnight, of a free E-book from our range, is harvey.merrill.f, from Australia. If this is you, please contact us to claim your prize by Saturday, 14th March 2009:
2. The TOP TIPS: How to provide encouragement.
Tip 1: Be specific.
Coming up to me after I've given a speech and saying "Wonderful speech, thank you" is nice. However, it isn't informative. In contrast, if you say something like, "Your tip on how to keep your cool when your teenagers are being rude was so helpful, I'm going home to use it," will be far more delightful. Why? Because the detail shows me that you mean it.
The specificity allows me to know exactly what has helped. Thus, I am encouraged to use this tip when preparing future speeches. Finally, I feel heard. I have been told exactly what has been understood and taken away from my speech. This means I know that I have got my message across. And that is what matters to me. It doesn't matter half so much whether I had a pretty dress on, or whether I was "wonderful". What matters to me is whether I've done something valuable and inspired people to change what they're doing.
Specific feedback is much more believable and useful than a general statement. Give specific encouragement.
Tip 2. Say how a person is different.
I remember a time when one of my close friends and I were discussing our relationship, which had gone on for a long time. He said to me, "Do you know what I really appreciate about you, it's the fact that you have your own starter motor. You'll take the initiative. I don't need to sit at home wondering whether you need me, I know you'll phone and tell me. I really like that about you, it's different from other people I know, who somehow expect me to mind read them".
I had no idea I did this, nor that it mattered. I also had failed to appreciate prior to this that this was something specific and special about me. Doesn't everyone do this? I'd just taken it for granted.
When you tell a person how they stand out from the crowd it can be very affirming and encouraging. It is also educational and helpful in a person's self development. We all have our blind spots and need others to help fill them in for us. Simple encouragement can do this.
Tip 3. Be generous in giving words of encouragement.
How often do you tell your partner, your children, your boss, your mother, your assistant, what you appreciate about them? Is it once a year on your wedding anniversary or at a performance review, or on a monthly or daily basis?
Regularly encourage, appreciate and value the people in your life. Don't wait for a disaster, crisis or anniversary before you do. Develop an attitude of gratitude towards the people around you and share it with them. When you do, everyone benefits. You'll feel good and so will they.
Tip 4. Spend time noting what you appreciate.
It's so easy to find fault in people and yet this can be of little value to you or others. All it does is develop a negative mind set in yourself, and negativity and a lack of self-confidence in others.
When you look for the good things in people and tell them what you appreciate, then you are helping yourself as well as them. Why? Because your own mind starts to find and value the good things in people and your life. And this is where happiness lies.
Happiness is to be found in appreciation for what we have, not in what's missing. By concentrating on what is good about the people we live, work and associate with, we are building happier relationships, stronger friendships and higher levels of trust.
Have you told the people in your life what you appreciate about them? If not, do it today. Tomorrow may never come.
3. More tips on developing happiness.
Each month new tips are placed on our page of Personal Development Tips and Articles.
There are several sets on personal development for you to read. Click on the links to read three of the newest ones:
- Loving kindness (Metta) meditation.
- Happy relationships.
- Love in relationships.
4. More ways to have a happy marriage.
"A Successful Marriage: How to have a long and happy marriage and overcome the problems".
Would you like to know how to have a long and happy marriage/relationship? Would you like some practical ways to lessen your differences and increase your love? You can. Amidst all the failed celebrity marriages we see, and the marriage advice that is too theoretical to apply, here is something different, something you can trust. Mike and I have been brave enough to invite you behind the scenes of our 33 year marriage to hear an unscripted conversation about what makes it work and what we get up to. And it isn't necessarily what you'd expect! It's a real view, of a real marriage as it's never been heard before.
At times funny, at others heartfelt, but always sincere - this is marriage advice you can use and apply to your relationship - whether marriage or defacto.
Click here for more details.
Click here to order.
Bonus: If you buy these CDs on the website no later than Saturday, 14th March 2009, then you will receive a second copy of the CDs for F.R.E.E. worth $49. Give them to a friend and help them too.
To be eligible for the extra copy you must order through our On-line Book and CD store and click newsletter when it asks you where you heard about the CDs. Don't miss out - hurry as this offer closes, Saturday, 14th March, 2009. This offer is ONLY available to CONFIDENCE 4 U Readers.
5. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to our Confidence 4 U reader, Mike Cheffins, from Western Australia, for this fortnight's joke.
When a Mississippi Grandma Goes to Court.
In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know me? She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"
She again replied, Why yes I do. I've known Mr Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defence attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quite voice, said,
"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
May you both give and receive regular encouragement and praise. Encouragement makes the world a much better place and is an antidote to negativity and anger.
With kindness,
Rachel.
Further information for you
Learn in your own time.
There are eight CD sets, a printed book and 5 Electronic books to help you, including the 3 CD sets on "CONFIDENCE for women," and the very popular E-book "How to be a brilliant master of ceremonies." Please order in our online book and CD store - we have a secure server: click here.
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Disclaimer: The information in this magazine is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation.
Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have with your confidence, relationships, presentations, managing people, interpersonal skills, work, health, communication or emotions. Thank you.
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