Hi! I've just recently finished conducting a course "Midlife - Finding
Meaning in the Madness" and another one on "Calmly Coping with Job
Change". What amazing times we've had! We all realised that life, at
any age, is constantly changing, and having some skills for coping can
make all the difference to how we feel about ourselves.
The Midlife group realised, with relief, that the changes they were
going through were normal! For instance: all members of the group wore
glasses, nearly all had coloured their hair to hide the grey, and most
were uncertain about their direction in life.
The Job Change group were all facing the prospect of job loss,
redeployment or job changes and were also experiencing reactions in
common. Many were depressed. Several felt that their loyalty and hard
work was going unrewarded and a big percentage thought they needed more
information before they could make any definite plans.
Simply being able to talk about their reactions to the changes was
helpful. This made everyone realise that other people were also finding
the changes confusing, uncomfortable or depressing and that this was a
normal reaction.
Uncomfortable feelings are normal
Such uncomfortable reactions to change are normal, even when the
changes are "good" ones. What is important is that you do not get stuck
in these feelings and can work through them.
Ways to cope with change
In addition to talking about your reactions to change, being able to
find out what your feelings are and expressing them can also be useful.
For example, in the midlife course people started drawing their
feelings with coloured pencils, I showed them paintings I had done to get
my emotions out and we discussed the value of writing a journal. The
journal may contain angry expressions of what is happening to you,
dialogues with parts of yourself, photographs, poems ... anything which
helps you express your feelings and understand yourself better.
In the Job Change workshop the value of staying with positive self-talk
and continuing to do relaxing things, were high on the list of ways to
cope.
Who am I?
Some of the fundamental questions people ask themselves at midlife are,
"Who am I?"
"What is the meaning of my life?", and
"What do I want to do with the rest of my life?"
The Midlife group had some overwhelmingly significant insights into
themselves when they discovered their personality types using the Myers
Briggs Type Indicator, (MBTI). The predominant reaction of the group
on discovering their type was one of relief or liberation. Comments
such as, "I never knew that's why I did that", or "This has really
helped me understand who I am", were common.
The MBTI helped them understand their strengths and weaknesses, helped
them understand themselves under stress, and gave them a framework and
guide for developing increasing maturity and contentment.
If you would like to learn more about yourself and your personality we
run a one day in-house workshop in Perth, Western Australia on MBTI and Team Building. You are welcome to book a course for your staff. Email Rachel on or phone: +61 8 9390 1188.
How else can I cope with change?
Four of the key strategies that arose in the Coping With Job Change
workshop which you might like to try were:
- Stay Positive:
Develop a positive attitude towards the change. Go with it instead
of repetitively knocking it or worrying about it for a long time.
Often when you fight changes that are inevitable the person who
gets hurt in the process is you, i.e. the person doing the
fighting. By constantly going around full of resentments,
bitterness and hatred the negativity can turn inwards and make you
sick. Alternatively the negativity is directed at those close to
you and they experience your irritability, short temper or
withdrawal and your relationships suffer. If carrying resentments
around is likely to hurt you then let them go. What matters when
coping with change is that you take care of yourself: look after
yourself so you come out on top and then the people you live with
and love will benefit too.
- Keep routines:
Keep some other things in life constant and routine, e.g.
stay with the same church group, stay in the same house, support
the same footy team, walk the dog at the same time each night,
take your favourite food for lunch each day, get up at the same
time each day. These may only be little things but they can help
you keep a sense of control over your life.
(In other words changing several major things all at the same time
may make it more difficult!)
- Research and Plan:
One of the major problems for the Job Change group was that they
did not know exactly what was going to happen to them. They were
therefore assuming that they could not start planning any coping
strategies until they knew. I suggested that they could start
developing strategies for different scenarios - so they felt
more prepared once they did know.
For example:
Option a - If I am going to lose my job I will do ...
Option b - If I keep my job but the pressure increases I will do ...
Option c - If we become privatised I will do ...
Also they could start researching job skills in the 21st Century.
For example, they could go and read up on the skills workers are
going to need in the 21st Century; checklist which ones they have
and do not have; and start to work towards acquiring the ones that
were missing. That way whatever happened they increased their
chances of being employed elsewhere and they could retain more of a
sense of control over what was happening.
- Don't take it personally:
Many of the group had been hard on themselves when they heard of
impending job cuts. They had taken it personally as if all the work
they had put into the organisation over the previous years was of
no value. This was not the case.
The work they had done had allowed the organisation to thrive in
the last 12 years, they had provided superb service to their clients
and they had done an excellent job.
What was happening now was not because they were not competent. It
was not a personal attack on them. In fact the people who were
making the economic decision to restructure did not even know them.
Not taking it personally and instead rewarding yourself for the
work you have done was acknowledged as essential. Some decided
immediately to buy themselves flowers that night and others ate a
lot of chocolate rewards during the workshop!
Maintaining flexibility - is it possible?
For the midlife group - some things could not be controlled, like the grey hairs, the slowing down, the glasses - but all was not lost!
The attitudes that people had towards the changes were important and
maintaining physical flexibility using methods such as The Feldenkrais
Method were considered useful. More about that in future newsletters!
Midlife and Change News
We have a whole section of the website devoted to Midlife called 40-60 yr olds Online.
Any tips you have for coping with midlife, your stories of changes you are sorting through or your profile as someone over 40, are all welcome. We can include them on the website or in future newsletters. I look forward
to hearing from you.
Until the next newsletter which will focus on the art of chat,
I wish you well while you
deal with the changes in your life,
Rachel.
