We had a marvelous Midlife Retreat back in November. Sixteen people spending a whole weekend together, trying to feel better about themselves, find a new direction and to dissolve anxiety, sleeplessness and confusions. But why do people in Midlife need support or feel this way?
One reason is the lack of acknowledgement in our society which rewards youthful looks ahead of wisdom. It's as if society doesn't really know what to do with people in midlife because they are neither young nor old.
When we're teenagers and in our early twenties, society seems to give us a map of what we're expected to do - find a job, find a partner, get a home, have children, make money. The fact that we don't all do that is another story! Then society talks about retirement and looking after the seniors. But there isn't much said about what happens in between. One of the participants of the retreat summed up the dilemma well by saying, "I went out and got a career, I've worked really hard all my life, I've experienced the stress of trying to chase the dollars, I've raised two children and they've left home, I've got my own home and no mortgage and now I feel empty and exhausted. I'm fifty years old and I was lead to believe that if I did everything that was expected of me that happiness was the end result. It's not. So what do I do now?"
So why would someone in their 40's or 50's feel empty, lonely or confused? For many reasons. In addition to the lack of recognition that society gives this age group I also think that some of our feelings are there to make us sit up and listen. If we didn't feel a bit confused or uncertain we might not do the work necessary to re-evaluate our lives and we might just keep drifting on and never make an active choice as to how we are going to spend the second half of our lives. Midlife is a call to action. Whatever we've done with the first half of our lives we have a second chance to get it right and to seek real happiness.
One of the fundamental questions that people ask themselves at Midlife is, "Who am I really?" Not, "Who does society think I ought to be?" but, "Who am I underneath all the social conditioning, who is the real me that is trying to be found?" In the Midlife course we look at this in far more detail and consider our personality, our strengths, our dreams, our values, and our identity. For some of us at Midlife we have to find a new identity. We may have been parents and found our role has become redundant. We may unexpectedly become grandparents. We may have been workers and realised we have to retire in a few years. We need an image update. Midlife is a wonderful opportunity to become who we really are and to update our images of ourselves.
For more tips on Midlife go to Tips.
See previous newsletters for more information about Midlife:
Newsletter Number 3.
and
Newsletter Number 29.
Finally
Being in our 40's and 50's can be a wonderful time. There are many advantages to being in this age group. It's important not to get bogged down by the grey hair, reading glasses and physical changes and instead to grab life and the wisdom that can only come through life experience. I wouldn't be a teenager again, not now that I know what I know - would you? (No! You can't be a teenager and know what you know now!)
Happy and healthy living.
Rachel
