It is the season for Christmas functions to start. Sometimes one of the hardest things for people to do, and especially for those who are a little shy or introverted, is to introduce themselves to people they don't know. This could be at a Christmas cocktail party, a staff function or even a friend's wedding. Sometimes when people try an introduction, despite their best intentions, it falls flat and conversation becomes awkward. So here are some tips on what to avoid when introducing yourself and tips on what to do ...
Example One - How not to introduce yourself
I was carrying a big pile of books from a library when the top two toppled to the floor. A woman kindly came to my aid and picked them up for me. Having thanked her I took the books to my car and then returned to the library. There to greet me was the woman who helped me.
"Hi," she said, "I'm Annie."
"Hi Annie, I'm Rachel."
"I know."
"Oh."
End of introduction. I was so surprised, I still don't know who she was.
Tip 1 - for good introductions
When you are introducing yourself do not take away the person's name, e.g. don't go up to someone and say, "Hi Rachel, I'm Jacky." If you do, you've left the other person with nothing to say.
Tip 2 - for good introductions
Give more than just your name when you are introducing yourself. An extra line about yourself after you've said your name helps the other person know who you are and what to talk to you about. So you might say why you're at a function, what your job is, what your connection is with the host ... anything that is vaguely relevant will do! So if when Annie had introduced herself, she had said to me, "Hi I'm Annie, I'm on the library committee and in charge of the natural history books." I would have felt far more comfortable.
Example 2 - How not to introduce yourself
My husband came to a work function with me recently. I had been giving a speech that day on "How Not To Take Things Personally" and had told some stories from my own relationship. At the evening dinner, when he was present, many wonderful friendly people greeted him. However, hardly anyone told him who they were. They'd say things like, "I've heard all about you - is it true what she says?" and they'd have a good laugh together. However, the conversation went no further because they never said who they were. At the conference dinner itself, my husband sat down with me and introduced himself to the woman next to him and said, "Hi I'm Michael, Rachel's husband," and the woman next to him started talking to him without saying who she was. At a later stage I asked to whom he was talking and he said, "I've no idea." So I leant over and said, "Hi I'm Rachel, I'm sorry I can't remember your name." and she said, "Oh it's Fiona, I thought my name badge was on."
Tip 3 - for good introductions
Always give your own name. If someone comes up to you and is kind enough to introduce him/herself - don't just say hello, say who you are.
Tip 4 - for good introductions
Even if you have a name badge on, still say your name. Don't presume people can read. Don't presume people want to have to stare at your chest to find out who you are. Make a personal introduction.
Tip 5 - for good introductions
When approaching people that you've heard about - introduce yourself, give your name and share something about yourself so that you both know about each other. Otherwise you may inadvertently put other people in unequal positions to yourself and leave them feeling uncomfortable.
Example Three - How not to introduce yourself
One of my clients was recently expressing her dislike over comments that her neighbour makes such as, "Doing a bit of gardening to lose weight, are we?" or "Been spending all the money, have we?" My client and I both agreed it was an attempt to start conversation. Sadly it was an unskilled irritation rather than a skilled introduction.
Tip 6 - for good introductions
When introducing yourself avoid making personal judgements about the other people. Negative judgements can be off putting. So can positive ones. For example, if you are approaching a woman and you say something like, "What a beautiful dress," the other woman may feel this is too intimate from a stranger or may feel under scrutiny (what else has he/she looked at?). One of my clients for instance said the other day that when someone had come up to her and said, "Gosh you look lovely in that suit today - are you going for a job interview?" she took it as a put-down. She started to wonder if she had looked bad on all the other days! Personal judgements may not be helpful ways to introduce yourself - especially if you don't say anything about yourself. If someone had said, "I was admiring your suit as I'm going to a job interview on Monday and was wondering where you got it from," it would have been less intimidating.
Tip 7 - for good introductions
Talk about yourself not about "we" as if speaking on behalf of others. Use "I", e.g. "I was thinking it was a good day for gardening and I've come out to trim the roses, how are you getting on?", would have been a suitable improvement on the earlier version!
Other help on making conversations easy, even if you are shy
Be a winner at dinner: How to chat and network with confidence and skill.
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Final tip for good introductions
There's an old saying that many of us have been brought up on as children, "You should wait to be introduced." If this were true then no-one would ever meet anyone else. We all need people who are willing to introduce themselves. It's a sign of confidence and a social relaxer. So there's no need to hang back. Just walk up to someone with a smile on your face, make eye contact, offer your hand, say your name and say a short line about yourself and away you go!
And - one final point - don't believe the adage,"Don't speak to strangers." If you didn't you might miss out on wonderful colleagues, clients and companions!
Have fun at your functions, and remember to get your CD set so you find conversations even easier.
Click here.
Rachel
