Ten Tips For Talking To Children by Gordon Fernihough

1. If possible, book a time for a talk.
   Ask them if they would mind having a talk. This not only gives them a chance to finish off other business, but it also trains them to prioritise tasks, organise their own time and prepare themselves for the talk. It also tends to increase their level of interest or curiosity.

2. If possible, choose an appropriate time and place to have a talk with the aim to minimise distractions.
   Try to negotiate these details together and compromise wherever possible. This teaches children a multitude of negotiation skills that they will need to use throughout their lives. Try to encourage the use of their favourite room where they feel most comfortable.

3. If the subject is particularly important prepare a specific food or drink to increase the awareness of the senses.
   For me, my mother used a cup of tea to help me relax and focus. I always knew what it meant when Mum asked me if I would like a cup of tea.

4. During the talk use the correct body language right from the start.
   Always sit at the same level or lower. Never sit directly facing them as this can often be confronting. Use direct eye and body contact only when appropriate. Never allow yourself to be distracted when either talking or listening. If someone tries to interrupt the conversation, ask them to wait until the talk is over. An easy way to avoid this is to explain to other house members that you'll be having a talk and don't want to be disturbed before the talk.

5. Always talk in a respectful tone.
   Children are people too, with as much of a right to be respected as you. Talking down to children erodes their respect for you and this may reduce the successfulness of any future talks.

6. Make your voice interesting and try not to talk in a monotonous tone.
   Wherever possible use exaggerated facial expressions, actions and hand gestures. This shows that YOU are interested in the subject which will stimulate a similar interest from the audience.

7. Keep calm. Never raise your voice.
   Whispering often works better than shouting. If it is necessary to tell a child off, always explain the consequences associated with the issue - both good and bad. The child will learn by this and will generally see for themselves which path they should choose. Remember that you probably already have an understanding of "which consequences go with what actions", but they have a very small library of life experiences.

8. Use simple dialogue or "Kids Speak" and don't make any sentence too wordy.

9. Always give the children opportunities for reply throughout any conversation and listen carefully to what they have to say when they respond.
   Discuss their ideas or opinions in greater depth to confirm with them that you were listening and that you understand what they mean. Should they be thinking incorrectly on any matter, don't tell them they're wrong. As an alternative, expand on their idea to the point where it doesn't work and take the time to work out the right way of thinking together.

10. Do it as often as you can, because kids grow up so quick.
    If you haven't taught them how to talk to kids, it may be more than one generation that fails to learn this important method of communication. Worse than that - they may not know how to relate to you as adults.

Thanks to Rachel's Reflections' subscriber Gordon Fernihough.

Further Information

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May you find joy in your children.
Best wishes,
Rachel Green
PO Box 344, Kelmscott, Western Australia 6991.
Phone: +61 8 9390 1188. Fax +61 8 9390 1199
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