CONFIDENCE 4 U is a FREE fortnightly E-magazine that shows you how to build your confidence, boost your communication skills and polish your emotional intelligence.
Whether it is meeting or managing people, public speaking, going for job interviews or managing your emotions, it will help you be confident, and be your best.
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How many times have you been asked to do something, and said "Yes" when you really wanted to say "No"? Have you ever felt manipulated into agreeing to do something by your children, mother or boss? Or maybe you have found yourself agreeing to do something only because you felt guilty, or because you didn't want to hurt someone else's feelings? I know many of us fall into these traps. It can result in our being overworked, stressed and feeling resentful or unhappy. In order to stand up for ourselves, stay healthy and gain respect we need to be able to say, "No!" nicely and stick to it. This is not about being rude, uncaring or aggressive, it's about looking after ourselves and our health; and having a quality life with happiness. How can we say "no" nicely? Read on to the tips section to find out.
How many times have you been asked to do something, and said "Yes" when you really wanted to say "No"? Have you ever felt manipulated into agreeing to do something by your children, mother or boss? Or maybe you have found yourself agreeing to do something only because you felt guilty, or because you didn't want to hurt someone else's feelings?
I know many of us fall into these traps. It can result in our being overworked, stressed and feeling resentful or unhappy. In order to stand up for ourselves, stay healthy and gain respect we need to be able to say, "No!" nicely and stick to it. This is not about being rude, uncaring or aggressive, it's about looking after ourselves and our health; and having a quality life with happiness.
How can we say "no" nicely? Read on to the tips section to find out.
I am giving a speech at a 21st birthday party tonight, so I thought I could take this opportunity to give some tips on writing birthday speeches - no matter what the age is. However, if you are thinking, "I'll never have to give a birthday speech" - please do read on because the tips will also help with other types of speeches and presentations too. Still not interested? Well what about happiness? Maybe you are interested in that? If so, the whole point of celebrating a birthday is to be happy, so you'll get some bonus tips on happiness too. Read on to the tips section to see what I mean.
I have recently been to two evening work functions. One was a highly successful networking event and product launch. The other was a cocktail party that I found, as a guest, distinctly uncomfortable. The differences between the two highlighted some of the essential steps needed to host a successful work function so that guests get the most out of them. How can you be a top rate host or hostess? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Life can get very busy, can't it? Our responsibilities seem to increase and not decrease. Given the high demands on our energy and time, the need to meet so many expectations and our attempts to keep-up, we can be left feeling stressed, exhausted and frazzled. How can we be busy and handle all the demands and responsibilities and yet stay happy and healthy? How can we stop the stress from mounting and gain relief from the pressure? Read on to the tips section to find instant stress relief.
I've recently had the opportunity to be in the audience during several presentations, whilst waiting to give my own. It's been an interesting experience and has highlighted various ways that presenters can connect with, impress and capture the attention of their audience. Read on to the tips section to get some top tips on making your audience sit up and take notice.
We all have emotions. Every human feels whether it's sadness, loneliness, happiness, resentment, frustration, anger, contentment or complacency. We also all have varying levels of emotional intelligence; in other words we vary in how skilled we are in our awareness, expression and management of such emotions in ourselves and others. Why does our emotional intelligence matter? Because emotions influence how we behave. Emotional Intelligence can make the difference between your success and failure in relationships; it can affect your ability to cope with changes in your life; and to how well you succeed at work. So how can you boost your emotional intelligence? Read on to the tips section to find out.
We all have emotions. Every human feels whether it's sadness, loneliness, happiness, resentment, frustration, anger, contentment or complacency.
We also all have varying levels of emotional intelligence; in other words we vary in how skilled we are in our awareness, expression and management of such emotions in ourselves and others.
Why does our emotional intelligence matter? Because emotions influence how we behave. Emotional Intelligence can make the difference between your success and failure in relationships; it can affect your ability to cope with changes in your life; and to how well you succeed at work. So how can you boost your emotional intelligence? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Assertive communication skills are an essential set of skills to have in order to succeed at work. But what do I mean by assertiveness and why do you need it? The important aspect of being assertive is the amount of RESPECT that is involved. Being assertive means that you stand up for your view-points, needs and ideas while respecting yourself and respecting others. The important point I want to make is that there is a difference between being assertive and being aggressive, and that many people confuse the two; and in their attempts to be assertive they can become aggressive. For more ideas on how to be assertive at meetings read on to the tips section.
Living together isn't as easy as all the romantic novels and fairy tale stories would have us believe, is it? We all know, only too well, that not everyone lives happily ever after. Yet couples can live together for a long time AND BE HAPPY. Even when they are different. You just need to know what to do. Read on to the tips section to get some top tips on relationships and marriage.
Have you ever worried about small things, got things out of perspective or stewed on something? Many of us blow things up out of proportion, or go over and over things so we can’t sleep, or get anxious over small things. When we do this our confidence can lower, our stress and anxiety rise and our relationships suffer. In contrast when we keep things in perspective we can be more confident, healthier and happier; keep our energy up; and get on more easily with people. Keeping things in perspective is worth working on and can be a sign of an emotionally intelligent person. How can we keep things in perspective? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Have you noticed that despite all the advances in technology that were meant to bring more rest and relaxation into our lives, we are all busier than ever? People are so busy that some feel as though they’re in a permanent pressure cooker just trying to keep up. Everything seems to be expected of us instantly, there seems ever more knowledge to gain, there is mortgage stress, staff shortages, fly-in fly-out jet-stream jobs, children having problems, mobile phones finding us everywhere ... the list of potential pressures seems endless and there seems no way to take a break. Things aren’t always as they seem, though, and breaks are possible. As pressure mounts, this is the time to look after yourself. Do not just survive - thrive. But how? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Many of our new readers have said that chatting to people and networking, particularly to strangers, can be difficult for them. They run out of things to say, don't know how to start a conversation or get stuck with someone boring from whom they find it hard to exit. This fortnight, therefore, the newsletter is devoted to how to network and talk to people confidently and effectively, whether face-to-face, over the phone or via the internet. Read on to the tips section to find out more.
Many people experience anxiety and nervousness, not just generally, but in specific work situations. It may be when you are going for a job interview, speaking in public, meeting strangers in a networking event or talking to more senior people. Anxiety and nervousness to most of us, are very unsettling and can destroy our skills and communication. It's almost as if the anxiety takes us over. So how can we manage it in an emotionally intelligent way so we reduce the severity of it and it doesn't affect us so badly? Read onto the tips section to find out.
It is clear that a significant number of you want help in handling difficult personalities at work, managing negative people in meetings and dealing with people who try to undermine you. Therefore, I am going to put a series of magazines together on these topics, starting with this edition. I know how hard it is not to let the negativity stick. Please read on to the tips section, to find out how to work with negative people without getting angry.
During early January I have been working on our next CD set on overcoming stage fright and gaining confidence in public speaking - and writing down lots of the tips. So I thought we'd begin the year by kicking the fear of public speaking out of the back door. Then you can relax for the rest of the year if you have to give a presentation. Read on to the tips section to find out how not to be afraid of public speaking.
Have you noticed how many advertisements set out to make us feel inadequate? They suggest that the items they are selling, whether it be homes, shavers, cars or shoes will improve us. This presumes, therefore, that we need improving. This is not the case. We are already adequate. Usually, what needs improving is our confidence. The confidence to trust ourselves, to believe in our own beauty and to know that we are worthwhile. Advertisements are wearing our confidence away. The result of this is that we shop more, we become more worried about our appearance, and we get ourselves into debt in our search to feel good about ourselves. Read on to the tips section to find out how to feel confident and good about yourself this Christmas and New Year, without spending any money.
Have you noticed how many advertisements set out to make us feel inadequate? They suggest that the items they are selling, whether it be homes, shavers, cars or shoes will improve us. This presumes, therefore, that we need improving. This is not the case. We are already adequate. Usually, what needs improving is our confidence. The confidence to trust ourselves, to believe in our own beauty and to know that we are worthwhile. Advertisements are wearing our confidence away. The result of this is that we shop more, we become more worried about our appearance, and we get ourselves into debt in our search to feel good about ourselves.
Read on to the tips section to find out how to feel confident and good about yourself this Christmas and New Year, without spending any money.
Christmas is a time for conversations. Conversations with people whom you've never met before, or you only see once a year, or with those you live with. Yet we don't always find conversations easy. So how do you talk easily with people and make sure your conversations are interesting. How do you pass the time of day with people without it being boring? Read on to the tips section to find out.
When things go wrong it can be very hard to see anything but the bleak darkness of difficulty. However, it was clear from the women I interviewed on our new CD set on "Confidence for women in social situations" that when things go wrong there are very practical steps you can take to build your confidence and overcome a loss of confidence. Read on to the tips section to find out what to do.
Confidence is a skill that you can learn. Adopting the body language of confidence, until it becomes automatic and natural can be part of this. If you look and appear confident to others they will treat you as if you are confident. You will also have more credibility if you appear confident when you speak. This can be beneficial in meetings, when public speaking or at home when telling your children off! Let's consider five features of confident body language. Check to see if you are already using them. If not, adopting them may make a big difference to how you come across and help reduce a lack of confidence.
Confidence is a skill that you can learn. Adopting the body language of confidence, until it becomes automatic and natural can be part of this. If you look and appear confident to others they will treat you as if you are confident. You will also have more credibility if you appear confident when you speak. This can be beneficial in meetings, when public speaking or at home when telling your children off!
Let's consider five features of confident body language. Check to see if you are already using them. If not, adopting them may make a big difference to how you come across and help reduce a lack of confidence.
Being able to handle your emotions in a mature way is a critical part of your emotional IQ. However, this is not the only reason that it is important. In addition, how you react to your emotions or feelings influences everyone around you. If you have children for instance, they watch to see what you do when you feel anxious, angry or sad and they learn from you. How we handle our emotions also influences our colleagues, our partners and our neighbours. Let's look therefore at drug-free ways to handle our emotions so we can give our emotional IQs a boost and help society at the same time!
Ever forgotten someone's name? It can be so embarrassing, can't it? Here are some great ideas to help you remember names in future.
Have you ever felt peer or family pressure to behave in a certain way even though it isn't what you want to do or think is best? Maybe you have experienced negativity because you have done something that other people don't approve of even though it is right for you. Or maybe you have opinions on subjects that others don't agree with. How do you react? Being able to stand up to the pressure to conform can require clarity and confidence. It is not always easy to do nor easy to do well. How can you resist the pressure to conform when you don't think it is right for you ... (without getting into too much trouble!)? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Have you ever felt peer or family pressure to behave in a certain way even though it isn't what you want to do or think is best? Maybe you have experienced negativity because you have done something that other people don't approve of even though it is right for you. Or maybe you have opinions on subjects that others don't agree with. How do you react?
Being able to stand up to the pressure to conform can require clarity and confidence. It is not always easy to do nor easy to do well.
How can you resist the pressure to conform when you don't think it is right for you ... (without getting into too much trouble!)? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Do you have clients, customers or patients that you deal with? What kind of relationships do you have with them? How much importance do you place on building the relationships? Building client relationships is important. Having a strong relationship increases your ability to build trust with your clients. Clients are more likely to want to do business with people they trust and relate to. They are more likely to listen to the advice given by someone they trust. It is also usually easier to manage any problems that may occur. Research shows that professionals who have a strong relationship based on clear communication are less likely to be sued when things go wrong than those who have failed to communicate clearly with clients. Finally, of course, people are more likely to buy from people they trust and thus by paying attention to your business relationships your sales may increase. So how can you build good business relationships? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Do you have clients, customers or patients that you deal with? What kind of relationships do you have with them? How much importance do you place on building the relationships?
Building client relationships is important. Having a strong relationship increases your ability to build trust with your clients. Clients are more likely to want to do business with people they trust and relate to. They are more likely to listen to the advice given by someone they trust. It is also usually easier to manage any problems that may occur. Research shows that professionals who have a strong relationship based on clear communication are less likely to be sued when things go wrong than those who have failed to communicate clearly with clients. Finally, of course, people are more likely to buy from people they trust and thus by paying attention to your business relationships your sales may increase.
So how can you build good business relationships? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Life is full of people - some known to you and some new. The new person may be someone you meet at a friend's dinner or a new client or colleague at work. Alternatively, it may not just be one new person you meet, it may be many, for example, when you attend a seminar, a wedding, a parents' night or a networking function. For many people meeting new people is difficult. What do you say when you meet a new person? How can you have the confidence to introduce yourself? How can you encourage a stranger to feel comfortable talking to you? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Life is full of people - some known to you and some new. The new person may be someone you meet at a friend's dinner or a new client or colleague at work. Alternatively, it may not just be one new person you meet, it may be many, for example, when you attend a seminar, a wedding, a parents' night or a networking function.
For many people meeting new people is difficult. What do you say when you meet a new person? How can you have the confidence to introduce yourself? How can you encourage a stranger to feel comfortable talking to you? Read on to the tips section to find out.
No matter how dry, detailed or technical your speech or presentation is there are some fundamental principles and strategies you can follow to make your presentations interesting. If you know in advance that your presentation is interesting then your confidence is likely to grow. Also, once you can deliver an interesting presentation your audience is going to give you positive feedback which will in turn help you become a more confident public speaker. How can you make your presentations interesting? Read on to the tips section to find out.
No matter how dry, detailed or technical your speech or presentation is there are some fundamental principles and strategies you can follow to make your presentations interesting.
If you know in advance that your presentation is interesting then your confidence is likely to grow. Also, once you can deliver an interesting presentation your audience is going to give you positive feedback which will in turn help you become a more confident public speaker.
How can you make your presentations interesting? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Self-doubt is the thief that steals your confidence. Self-doubt is the fuel for low self-esteem. Just as when you put petrol on a fire, the fire burns; when you pour self-doubt on your confidence your low self-esteems flares up and becomes worse. What do I mean by self-doubt? I mean all those negative things we say to ourselves that tell us we are not good enough or which suggest we don't deserve better, or that we are stupid, ugly, or unlovable. All these nagging thoughts and worries we have undermine our self-esteem and confidence. How can we dump the doubts and create more confidence? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Self-doubt is the thief that steals your confidence.
Self-doubt is the fuel for low self-esteem. Just as when you put petrol on a fire, the fire burns; when you pour self-doubt on your confidence your low self-esteems flares up and becomes worse.
What do I mean by self-doubt? I mean all those negative things we say to ourselves that tell us we are not good enough or which suggest we don't deserve better, or that we are stupid, ugly, or unlovable. All these nagging thoughts and worries we have undermine our self-esteem and confidence.
How can we dump the doubts and create more confidence? Read on to the tips section to find out.
I remember a male manager I used to have: I'd take a report in to him and he would sit in silence in response. I'd ask a question and he'd barely respond. In the end, the less he said the more I spoke. I was so uncomfortable with the silence that I'd fill it, until I ended up looking like a blabbering bimbo! It was only after this experience that I realised there was another way. I could learn to match and be easy with his silence. I discovered that when I did this and I became quiet, he spoke far more to me. I no longer sounded stupid, and I gained his respect. What do you do when there is silence? Talk or stay quiet? How comfortable are you in a very quiet place? Do you break the silence or stay calm? If there is silence after you've said something, what do you do? Do you blurt and blab or stay quiet and confident? How you are in silence matters. Silence is a very important component of communication. It is also a significant self-discovery tool. You have the right to remain silent but do you have the skill? Read on to the tips section to find out how you can feel more at ease with silence and how to manage discomfort well.
I remember a male manager I used to have: I'd take a report in to him and he would sit in silence in response. I'd ask a question and he'd barely respond. In the end, the less he said the more I spoke. I was so uncomfortable with the silence that I'd fill it, until I ended up looking like a blabbering bimbo! It was only after this experience that I realised there was another way. I could learn to match and be easy with his silence. I discovered that when I did this and I became quiet, he spoke far more to me. I no longer sounded stupid, and I gained his respect.
What do you do when there is silence? Talk or stay quiet? How comfortable are you in a very quiet place? Do you break the silence or stay calm? If there is silence after you've said something, what do you do? Do you blurt and blab or stay quiet and confident?
How you are in silence matters. Silence is a very important component of communication. It is also a significant self-discovery tool.
You have the right to remain silent but do you have the skill? Read on to the tips section to find out how you can feel more at ease with silence and how to manage discomfort well.
For the second time, in less than twelve months, I have been to the funeral of a friend who has died from breast cancer. When the e-mail came through to say she had died, I was filled with remorse. Why? Because I had failed to see her in the weeks and even months before she died. Oh yes! I had wondered often about how she was doing, and I'd thought often about visiting her, but somehow the time never seemed quite right. I have now learnt to stop waiting for "it" to be perfect before doing something. This has made a huge difference to me. I use my time quite differently now, thanks to her. Read on to the tips section to find out how you can be inspired to do what you need to do now, without needing a death to kick you into action.
For the second time, in less than twelve months, I have been to the funeral of a friend who has died from breast cancer. When the e-mail came through to say she had died, I was filled with remorse. Why?
Because I had failed to see her in the weeks and even months before she died. Oh yes! I had wondered often about how she was doing, and I'd thought often about visiting her, but somehow the time never seemed quite right.
I have now learnt to stop waiting for "it" to be perfect before doing something. This has made a huge difference to me. I use my time quite differently now, thanks to her. Read on to the tips section to find out how you can be inspired to do what you need to do now, without needing a death to kick you into action.
Have you ever been invited to compere the work seminar, a conference or maybe even your friend's wedding and turned white at the thought? It's a tough job being a master of ceremonies. Simply standing in front of an audience can turn some people to pulp even without the extra responsibilities of having to manage the program of a conference, or get other speakers on and off the stage, or do all the toasts at a wedding. But there is hope, even if you are anxious once you know exactly what to do the terror can ease. The master of ceremonies is a very important person. He or she can make the difference between a dull event and a wonderful one. Similarly, a rushed, nervous or boring presenter can make an audience passive, whilst a relaxed, well-paced and interesting one can excite the audience. If you have any problems with your public speaking or being a master of ceremonies read on to the tips section to find out ways to overcome your performance anxiety, win your audience over and be brilliant.
Have you ever been invited to compere the work seminar, a conference or maybe even your friend's wedding and turned white at the thought? It's a tough job being a master of ceremonies. Simply standing in front of an audience can turn some people to pulp even without the extra responsibilities of having to manage the program of a conference, or get other speakers on and off the stage, or do all the toasts at a wedding. But there is hope, even if you are anxious once you know exactly what to do the terror can ease.
The master of ceremonies is a very important person. He or she can make the difference between a dull event and a wonderful one. Similarly, a rushed, nervous or boring presenter can make an audience passive, whilst a relaxed, well-paced and interesting one can excite the audience. If you have any problems with your public speaking or being a master of ceremonies read on to the tips section to find out ways to overcome your performance anxiety, win your audience over and be brilliant.
Do you ever feel guilty? Most of us do, but some of us more than others. Some women I have worked with, in my emotional intelligence courses, can even manage to feel guilty about not feeling guilty! Guilt can leave us feeling bad about ourselves, even when we've done nothing bad. If you feel guilty what do you do because of it? Does it make you behave in a particular way? Guilt does not always mean we have done anything wrong. Guilt does not necessarily mean we are about to be punished or commit a crime. Sometimes guilt arises because we’ve been manipulated. Sometimes it is there because we were trained to feel guilty as a child. Sometimes the guilt is simply there through habit. So what can we do when we feel guilty? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Do you ever feel guilty? Most of us do, but some of us more than others. Some women I have worked with, in my emotional intelligence courses, can even manage to feel guilty about not feeling guilty!
Guilt can leave us feeling bad about ourselves, even when we've done nothing bad. If you feel guilty what do you do because of it? Does it make you behave in a particular way? Guilt does not always mean we have done anything wrong. Guilt does not necessarily mean we are about to be punished or commit a crime. Sometimes guilt arises because we’ve been manipulated. Sometimes it is there because we were trained to feel guilty as a child. Sometimes the guilt is simply there through habit. So what can we do when we feel guilty? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Do you get the respect you deserve? Do people take you seriously enough? Are you listened to? If not and you’d like to come across more confidently and clearly and gain more respect, especially at meetings, please read on to the tips section.
How often have you been irritated by other people? Do you ever get upset when people say negative comments to you? Do you want to fight back when people complain or get angry? If so, you may be doing yourself no good at all. When you get irritated notice what it does to your body. Does your breathing alter? Does your blood pressure rise? Do you feel an increase in tension? Does your sleep get disturbed? Yes! There are health consequences from getting irritated and upset. And it can also stop you from thinking clearly, result in your saying things you might later regret, or contribute to your escalating a conflict. So, why bother to get upset? Let's learn from the people who seem to let it all wash over them. If they can stay calm without being upset so can we. How can we do this? Read on to the tips section to find out.
It is well known that many people get frightened and anxious when they have to stand up and speak in public. Some get anxious simply speaking out at a meeting. I believe that confidence is a set of skills that can be learnt. That most of us practise being nervous and destroy our confidence. There are in fact quite specific activities that can be done to overcome the fear of public speaking. Read on to the tips section to find out what some of them are.
Our lives involve people. It is almost impossible not to meet people every day, people you know well, people who are acquaintances and men and women who are complete strangers. How you relate to these people can have a big impact on your daily life. Do you greet and meet in a way that leaves both of you feeling good, or do you leave with a sense of unease or awkwardness or even downright irritation and anger? The impact of a simple casual meeting can alter your mood for the day. So how can you interact with people and do it well? Read on to the tips section to find out.
People are tired. Many people. The number of people doing a Google search each month on just the word "tired" is in the thousands and thousands. There are an equal number searching on the word "fatigue". Why are so many people so tired? The sheer pace of change, high workloads, the availability of endless social activities, the pressure to take the children here, there and everywhere, the free availability of junk food, the difficulties in saying "No" to demands, – the list of factors contributing to a loss of energy is enormous. Yet having energy can make such a big difference in our lives. So how can you have more energy? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Happy Christmas – may your heart sing with joy as you celebrate. But why only be happy at Christmas? Let's make every day a happy one. As you approach 2007 choose to be happy – really happy – consistently happy – even when things go wrong. Happiness matters – people who are happy are healthier, live longer and are more successful. At work they are also more satisfied with their jobs, are more productive and have fewer conflicts. Happiness matters at work. So how can you be happier? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Christmas is meant to be a time of celebration, joy and generosity. Yet, it seems to have degenerated into a time of boring Christmas functions, crass commercialism and stress for many people. With the ever increasing rounds of Christmas parties, client functions and staff get-togethers it is very easy to get burnt out and bored even before Christmas day arrives. So how can you enjoy these socials and the conversations that are involved? Read on to the tips section to find out.
I wonder how often you have been irritated by someone and then said something that didn't help the situation or that you later regretted? Or have you ever become upset with someone or something and found it stayed with you throughout the day or added to your stress levels? Wouldn't it be nice to stay calm instead? Irritation is not good for you. Irritation can contribute to health problems such as high blood pressure and headaches and can wear away at your happiness. So what is the alternative? Staying peaceful and calm. Not letting people get to you - so if you are content in the morning you are still content at night. How can you stay calm? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Developing good listening skills is seldom given the same focus in our society as developing good speaking skills, and yet listening is a vital part of communication and is 50 percent of it. How often do you listen to people fully? Can you listen fully to people with different points of view without putting their points down or disagreeing? Do you think you are listening when really you aren't? Listening fully and accurately helps build trust between people. How well do you listen? Read on to the tips section to find out how to listen well. It does matter.
The commonest aspect of self-development for which I get asked for help is confidence. Being confident sure beats feeling intimidated, overwhelmed or nervous, doesn't it? For tips on how to become more confident, including when you speak in public, read on to the "Tips" section.
I was running an emotional intelligence course recently when one of the men who had come along said, with a touch of cynical dismissal, “So you’re wanting us to get in touch with our feminine side, are you?” I replied, “No, it’s nothing to do with that, men do have feelings.” He stayed quiet, while a woman a few seats away exclaimed, “You could have fooled me!” There was laughter in the group, however it fell to silence when I said, “If you look around the world at the moment there is a lot of conflict. It is fuelled by hate and anger. Hate and anger are feelings. Men and women both have these feelings, they are fuelling the war in Lebanon. How can you not think that men have feelings? They do have feelings. Women have feelings. We all have feelings. What we don’t necessarily have is the skill to acknowledge their importance to us, to identify them correctly or to respond with intelligence to them.” Imagine if we were as good at managing our feelings and behaviour as we are in developing technology. How do you develop your emotional intelligence? Read on to the tips section to find out.
I have been sighing recently! Why? Because of the comments and questions I get which show that people automatically make assumptions about others, including me, that are incorrect. These default assumptions can be an important impediment in our communication with people. We can all speak from ignorance without realising it. And we can cause offence without meaning to and have conflicts in communication. So what are your default assumptions? How would you know? How do you reduce them and their impact? Read on to the tips section to find out.
When people say something to you, about yourself, or your work, or the organisation you work for, how do you react? Do you listen quietly to what was said and respond calmly having taken in the valuable parts and dumped the rest, or do you get defensive? Sometimes when we get defensive we actually make things harder for ourselves. Not getting defensive can help you to develop relationships at work and at home; to provide superb customer service, work well in a team, and receive feedback easily. So what can you do to ditch defensiveness? Read on to find out.
I'm in the process of preparing for a very big event - a multi-cultural, international, big conference. I am compering the whole 2 days. This is going to involve a great deal as, unlike most conferences, there are no concurrent sessions: it's all going on with everyone in the same auditorium all the time. I'm quite excited about it! But working incredibly hard to make sure it all rolls along really, really well. Most people I've spoken to think of standing in front of up to 1,000 people for 2 days, daunting or even terrifying. So how can you handle the pressure of public speaking? It's not that it comes automatically - there are quite specific steps to take to help you. Read on to the tips section to find out what they are.
Ever had nuisance calls? We get lots of them especially at work. People who think they know what is best for our business and who want to sell us something that they think will "grow my business". I am not interested and have better things to do with my time, and so I get rid of such callers quickly but without being rude. How do I do this? By applying some of the key principles of assertion skills. And the other day they worked so well that a phone company actually put the phone down on me! What did I say? And how can you also stand up for yourself? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Does it matter what age you are? Do you let your age limit you in any way? I consider it a privilege to be 53 years old. Some of my friends have died at a younger age and I think every year we have is a gift to be celebrated. Yet so many of us put ourselves down for being "old" or "too young". I've heard 50 year olds say "I'm too old to learn about that now" when they're talking about using the internet. I've heard a woman in her 40s tell me "I can't expect to have energy like I did when I was younger". I know people in their twenties who won't approach older people when they are networking, for example, because they think the other person won't be interested. This is all sad! People can become stuck in their ways, and limit what they do, not because of physical constraints but because of psychological ones. And yet, why limit your life because of your age? Are you making the most of your life irrespective of your age? I hope so. The tips section contains lots of tips on how to have an inspired life.
Does it matter what age you are? Do you let your age limit you in any way? I consider it a privilege to be 53 years old. Some of my friends have died at a younger age and I think every year we have is a gift to be celebrated. Yet so many of us put ourselves down for being "old" or "too young". I've heard 50 year olds say "I'm too old to learn about that now" when they're talking about using the internet. I've heard a woman in her 40s tell me "I can't expect to have energy like I did when I was younger". I know people in their twenties who won't approach older people when they are networking, for example, because they think the other person won't be interested. This is all sad!
People can become stuck in their ways, and limit what they do, not because of physical constraints but because of psychological ones. And yet, why limit your life because of your age? Are you making the most of your life irrespective of your age? I hope so. The tips section contains lots of tips on how to have an inspired life.
I've just been reading the descriptions I've been sent by people coming to one of my presentation skills courses. The problems they have with public speaking nearly all boil down to two things: "nerves" and "sounding boring". People are worried that they will go blank, or not be able to answer questions, or get flustered and stutter, and on the list goes. And yet it is possible to reduce all these problems and fears and to be confident in front of a group. How do you do this? Read on to the tips section to find out.
I was listening to a fascinating interview on the "Awaye" programme on ABC Rational National recently. It was an interview with Professor Mick Dodson, the former Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Social Justice Commissioner. He was talking about the standards he tries to set for himself in communicating with people and how important it was for him to try and keep his cool and be compassionate. As part of this he said something along the lines of, "Just because someone else is nasty or mean-spirited doesn't mean you have to be. You can still be compassionate and kind." What a wonderful rule to live by. But how do we keep our cool when people are negative, nasty or mean? How can we still be considerate when another person isn't? Read on to the tips section to find out how.
I have recently been spending time with a wonderful woman who has been seriously ill with multiple cancers. Having survived chemotherapy, hospitalisations and many medical treatments she has made great improvement. The improvement however is only temporary. She remains with cancer in her spine and she has been told there is no cure and her life will not last much longer. What is so wonderful about her is that she is one of the calmest and most serene people who's company I've had the privilege of being in. We laugh together, we work together on a joint venture we are planning, and we talk, and through it all you'd not know there was anything wrong. What a contrast she is to most of us. We can be miserable just with a sore throat, or we grumble about our aches or pains, or we feel cheated when our health fails. So how can we still be happy even when we're ill? It's not easy, as for most of us our health is very important and without it we think that happiness isn't possible. Yet this woman, and another friend I have with severe arthritis, have shown me it is possible. Read on to the tips section to find out how.
I went to visit a friend while I was on holiday recently. When he saw me arrive he asked me if I had been given the day off work or was I absconding! I said, "Oh I'm on holiday". "How come you are still in Perth then and not travelling?""Because I'm happy being at home", came my answer. At that point he looked at me with total disbelief. "Well you must at least take the phone off the hook?" I shook my head and just smiled at him. I was happy, and I'd spent 2 weeks at home. Bliss. "How come it was bliss?", I thought to myself. I decided it was because I could be happy with small things. In fact I think sometimes our society misleads us into thinking we need high levels of excitement and big things - possessions, parties, occasions, etc. to be happy. And I don't think that this is the case. So where is happiness? And more importantly how can we find it even when things go wrong? Read on to the tips section to find out.
I received a great gift this Christmas, from Gen: it was a calendar with a saying a day from that calm, kind Tibetan leader, the Dalai Lama. Every morning I look forward to what this great man says. Some mornings his sayings are so deep and profound they pass me right on by. Other days they connect with me and inspire me. As I read them I realise that above all else what he is trying to help us find, is happiness. I have happiness as my main goal in life, and I've realised, deep down, this is really what most of us strive for, although we differ in our levels of success and how we go about it. Consequently, I thought I'd do a whole series of newsletters on "How to be happy"; not just warm fuzzy stuff for general application but how to be happy in specific circumstances. So for tips on "How to be happy at work" read on to Section 3. Future newsletters will cover topics such as "How to be happy when you're ill", "How to be happy around negative, complaining people", "How to be happy when a change is forced upon you", How to be happy when it is easier to hate or resent" and finally "How to be happy when things don't go right". Why is this important enough for our newsletters? Because the field of positive psychology has evidence that clearly shows that happier people are healthier, and that happier people are more successful at work, have more friends and live longer. Your happiness will benefit not only yourself but also those around you at work or home. So it's not just a feel good thing but a practical contribution you can make to your work place and your family and indeed to our world.
Having house guests, especially for prolonged periods of more than a weekend, can be difficult or uneasy for both the guests and the hosts. Yet many of us have people staying with us, especially over the holiday season, and others have overseas visitors who want to stay for long periods. Here are some tips which may help make it easier. The ideas will not apply to all situations and will reflect my own bias as a visitor – but read on to the tips section in case they help. And before I continue, apologies if I implied in the last newsletter that Hep C was spread by kissing, I've been told it's not.
Have you ever had someone approach you and touch or kiss you when you really wish they wouldn't? One of my close friends was greeted by another close female friend the other day and afterwards said, "Yuck, I wish she wouldn't try to kiss me on the lips". I shared her dislike. People, whether friends or relatives, giving me a lip kiss leaves me shuddering and I try to avoid them if at all possible. With this experience in mind and with Christmas coming up, I thought it was a good time to talk about how to meet and greet people, so you don't kiss people on the lips who don't want you to. How should you greet people? For tips on this, please read on to Section 3.
I am so excited about our news I am devoting a special newsletter to it. I want to introduce you to a whole new service that we are bringing you of cheaper, easier and more environmentally friendly ways to learn ... for immediate delivery to you anywhere in the world. We are now publishing a brand new series of important E-books for you, which provide you with up-to-date and expert information on a wide range of topics that you can’t easily access in any other way. And the first one is a book for men ... But I know that both men and women are wanting this topic. The men want it for their own sakes and the women want their men to read it. And you don’t have to leave your desk to get it, it can be delivered straight to your e-mail box, no need to print it out, it’s been prepared with large print for easy screen reading. And the price is superb. So what is it? Why do women cry and what to do when they do: A manual for men.
I am so excited about our news I am devoting a special newsletter to it. I want to introduce you to a whole new service that we are bringing you of cheaper, easier and more environmentally friendly ways to learn ... for immediate delivery to you anywhere in the world.
We are now publishing a brand new series of important E-books for you, which provide you with up-to-date and expert information on a wide range of topics that you can’t easily access in any other way.
And the first one is a book for men ... But I know that both men and women are wanting this topic. The men want it for their own sakes and the women want their men to read it. And you don’t have to leave your desk to get it, it can be delivered straight to your e-mail box, no need to print it out, it’s been prepared with large print for easy screen reading. And the price is superb. So what is it?
Why do women cry and what to do when they do: A manual for men.
I've recently been visiting my 90 year-old mother, who lives, through her own choice, in an old people's home in England. I also visited some other elderly relatives and people while I was there. Visiting elderly people is not always easy and trying to produce a set of tips that apply to all elderly people is impossible, as every child-parent relationship is different, and no one parent is the same as another. I also realise that those of you visiting parents with dementia face a completely different task from the one I faced. However if you'd like some general tips to help you visit your parents and elderly relatives this Christmas, read on to the tips section.
Sarcasm is a way of life to some people, and rests very uncomfortably with others. When you meet someone who is sarcastic and you're not it can be difficult to know how to deal with it. Don't be thrown by it. Don't be hurt by it. Deal with it easily. Read the tips sections to find out how.
I have noticed that some people simply do not know how to, or do not, respond to other people who are trying to make conversation with them. People can make a comment and it is met with silence. No comment is made in return. No questions are asked. I've seen it happen during conversations in lounge rooms, wedding receptions, networking events, staff rooms and more. So, how can we all respond to other people's conversational titbits, keep the conversation going and convey interest? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Some mothers-in-law are wonderfully caring, kind and generous. And some aren't. They can try to manipulate, try to undermine, and be difficult to like or live with. I hear so many stories from both men and women about their struggles with their mothers-in-law and how upset they can be by them. As an example, one of my friends went on holiday with his in-laws recently. Prior to going they had agreed to get the food they each wanted when they were at the beach hut. On arrival they discovered that the mother-in-law had brought food for all of them, contrary to the agreement that had been made. Sadly the food she had brought was not the type of food people wanted to eat. So my friend kindly said he'd like to go down the deer farm to get some venison. She didn't like him saying what food he'd like and she got upset and threw some meat at him. Adults are not always mature, are they? So how do you relate to a hard-to-handle mother-in-law? Read on to the tips section to find out. (By the way, this is not to say that sons and daughters-in-law and fathers-in-law can't also be hard to deal with, they can too!)
I've just been to a music festival over the long weekend and watched some superb performances and some not-so good ones. What fascinated me was not the standard of musicianship, as that ranged from high to stunning. Rather it was the quality of speaking to and relating to the audience that varied dramatically both amongst the performers themselves and the masters of ceremony. Yet by following some simple guidelines, speaking in public can be much easier than most people think. How? Read on to the tips section.
"Teamwork" is such a buzz word these days. And yet we've all worked in teams probably from the day we first started work. However it's not whether we work in a team that matters, it's how we work together. Now there is no one way of working well in a team, as each team has its own unique set of situations to deal with, and its own blend of different personalities and tasks. Some teams don't work well together at all and their manner of dealing with things can be counterproductive. Others pull together well with high efficiency and low conflict. So what helps a team to work well together? Read on to the tips section to find out.
I was speaking on Radio ABC Darwin recently and a caller phoned in describing a nightmare of an experience that she'd had in the hands of a dinner host and hostess. It turned out that the host and hostess had very strong political views that the guests didn't share. Worse still, the host and hostess kept on talking about their political side of life. Every time the guests tried to change the topic and introduce something different and lighter, the hostess would revert straight back to politics with the phrase, "As I was saying...". This couple had a dreadful evening. Don't do this to your guests. Be the perfect dinner party host or hostess and leave your guests happy and wanting to invite you back! How? Read on to the tips section.
Many of us hold back on telling people what we'd like or want or need. It's so easy to hope that people will guess or that they'll take the hint, or just to leave it because we don't like to make a fuss. What a dilema. And yet sometimes speaking out and telling people clearly and simply what we'd like can bring us much better results than we even imagine. This was brought home to me, in a very stark way, on a trip my husband and I made overseas recently. Prior to going I said to my husband that I'd like to e-mail his brothers and ask one of them to meet us at the airport rather than our having to go through the hassle of catching two trains and doing a tiresome journey after 19 hours of travel on a plane. Usually we wouldn't do this. What we'd do is hope that someone would offer to pick us up and if they didn't we'd go by train. My husband wasn't too sure about making such a direct request given that his brothers work and it would be a three hour journey for them just to get to the airport. He didn't want to put them on the spot. I thought I could do it nicely enough not to cause offence. And so I said quite directly that we'd like someone to meet us at the airport if it was possible. Much to our joy all 3 brothers volunteered to do it! And so we got off a weary flight at Heathrow, London to find one of his wonderful brothers waiting in a car. About an hour later we pulled into a cafe for breakfast to hear that bombs had just gone off on the London underground and at King's Cross. It didn't take long for us to calculate that had we not been picked up we'd have been on that tube line or at King's Cross at that time. There could have been no greater proof for me that sometimes it is actually safer to assert yourself than to stay quiet. So how can you be assertive and say what you need while still respecting the needs of others - and without seeming too bossy or aggressive? Read on to the tips section for some answers.
My husband and I met a long-time friend recently whom we hadn't see for a few months. She came up enthusiastically to give us a hug and asked us how we were. "Good" said my husband, "but getting older. My beard is going white". She laughed and said, touching the hat on her head, "I haven't got any hair at the moment, it's all dropped out with my chemotherapy. I've been diagnosed with advanced breast cancer and the cancer is here, there and everywhere." We were stunned. She was younger than us and the mother of 3 children aged 10 - 12 years. Suddenly having a grey beard no longer mattered. Getting older no longer mattered. We felt lucky and blessed to be getting older. Do you enjoy getting older? Do you celebrate your age? If not, read on and learn how to become happy whatever your age (and condition!)
I bet you're like me and have been to dinner parties where some people have hardly said a word and others have drunk too much and slobbered all over you! I had a client recently describe a horror dinner party. She said the man on her left became so engrossed in conversation with the person on his left that he ended up turning his back and cutting her out completely. And then to make it really awful the person on her other side did the same thing! That's breaking the rules of being a great guest at dinner. So how can you be the ideal dinner guest? Read on to the tips section to find out.
I have had three or four women recently complain to me that their husbands don't tell them how they feel. That their husbands are not very good at expressing themselves. That they think their husbands should let them know how they feel. And that they feel slighted when they don't. I took a bit of a gulp when I heard this as it's so easy to demand something of others, to criticise others and to look for faults. It is harder to understand other people, to allow them to be themselves and to accept that your way is not necessarily THE right way or only way. And why do I say all this? Because these women are in danger of making their marriages unhappy when neither they nor their husbands may be at fault. The truth is that some find feelings much easier to deal with than others. Read on to the tips section to find out why and what to do about it.
This is an unusual topic this fortnight - and I hope you don't mind. I thought I'd write on a completely different topic for a change. Normal topics will resume next time! In January 2005 I had an accident at home. I badly injured the thumb on my right hand. I cut through not only the skin, but the blood supply and the nerve. Now over 5 months later the nerve has still not retuned to normal. What risky behaviour was I participating in? Nothing unusual. I was just doing the dishes. I was cleaning the rim of a glass when it broke in my hand and went through to the bone of my thumb. It was all over in a matter of moments and I spent the next few hours in emergency at the local hospital. I was stunned that doing such an innocent activity could result, so quickly, in such a serious injury. Since then I've started noticing just how dangerous our homes are. How can you be safe in the home? Read on for the tips. They are far from comprehensive and I'm not expert but I encourage you to be careful at home. I certainly am.
One evening recently I was talking to three people about an event we were running and which I was coordinating. I was expressing concern about the lack of numbers we'd attracted when, without warning, one woman started putting me down. "You're such a high pressured person Rachel, one of those high achieving types, and a perfectionist", she said in a derogatory tone. Worse still she added, "I don't have pressure, I don't have to worry about things like you do, and I manage my life really well." Ouch! One big put-down. How would you have felt had it been directed at you? Would you have felt hurt? Possibly even gone home feeling bad about yourself? And what response would you have made? Would you have wanted to say, "Get stuffed" or to make some sarcastic retort or to have defended yourself? I think it's important that we don't do any of these and that we don't give our power away to other people's put-downs. It's an important part of being emotionally intelligent. How can you do this? Read on for the tips.
One evening recently I was talking to three people about an event we were running and which I was coordinating. I was expressing concern about the lack of numbers we'd attracted when, without warning, one woman started putting me down. "You're such a high pressured person Rachel, one of those high achieving types, and a perfectionist", she said in a derogatory tone. Worse still she added, "I don't have pressure, I don't have to worry about things like you do, and I manage my life really well."
Ouch! One big put-down. How would you have felt had it been directed at you? Would you have felt hurt? Possibly even gone home feeling bad about yourself? And what response would you have made? Would you have wanted to say, "Get stuffed" or to make some sarcastic retort or to have defended yourself?
I think it's important that we don't do any of these and that we don't give our power away to other people's put-downs. It's an important part of being emotionally intelligent. How can you do this? Read on for the tips.
I was talking to a distressed woman recently about how awful it has been for her since she and her husband separated two years ago. He had dumped her and gone off with another woman and she was disgusted with the way he picked up women, used them and then left. She was boiling inside at what he'd done. She felt betrayed and abandoned. And she didn't see how she was going to recover. She added as an after breath, "it is so hard because I still love him". I encouraged her to let the hatred go. It was doing her no good. And I helped her to calm her emotions. How could she do this? How can you do this? Read on to the tips section to find out.
I was packing workshop materials in the boot of my car recently when I was accosted by a security guard. Knowing I'd done everything right, i.e. I'd signed in the book and was wearing my visitor's pass, I greeted her with a friendly smile. "You've got a visitor's pass" she stated. "Oh yes, yes I've got a visitor's pass", I agreed. "No, you've got a visitor's pass" she said with an edge of accusation. "Yes, I've got one, it's here, yes I'm wearing my visitor's pass". "I saw you drive in with a visitor's pass" she said, sounding exasperated. "Yes I did, I have signed in" I said wondering what she was on about. My visitor's pass was dangling there for everyone to see. She looked cross, "You've got your visitor's pass on". "Yes I have" I said agreeing with her. It was becoming a farce. The only thing that changed was the increasing angst on her face and the irritation in her voice. Still not having a clue what the issue was I decided I'd just tell her everything I knew about my visitor's pass. "When I came in this morning, I drove to reception to sign in. I signed in and the security guard gave me a visitor's pass. Then she said I could park my car in the visitor's car park and that's when you saw me". Her face seemed to soften. "Now I'm just putting things in my car. Then I'll return to reception and sign out." "Okay" she said begrudgingly and walked off. I wandered away shaking my head. And then it dawned on me. Maybe I wasn't supposed to wear my visitor's pass to the car park. She thought I'd driven in from elsewhere and had stolen a visitor's pass from someone - or I was about to leave the property and take it with me. Who knows! I was only guessing. I don't know if this was the story - she never said. Ever been at cross purposes? Frustrating isn't it? Yet it can be avoided with a bit of careful communication. Read on for how to do this.
I was sitting in the dentist's waiting room recently. A gentleman was with the dentist and his wife was sitting near me. Another woman came in and sitting down next to her said, "I've driven all the way from Claremont but not been to this dentist before, does your husband know him?" "Yes" came the short reply. "Well what's the dentist like?" she asked. Her reply: "He's a foreigner". I nearly fell off my chair. Haven't we progressed beyond such narrow descriptions of people? Clearly not! Surely it was more important to comment on his kindness in handling a patient, his thoroughness in checking teeth or his ability to do pain-free dentistry. Is there a danger in classifying people in such a singular way? Absolutely. It limits our ability to relate to them or to treat them fairly. It's what leads to hatred and wars. How can we become more tolerant? Read on for the tips.
We all want to be happy, don't we? That's what drives us to go out and seek entertainment, have exciting holidays overseas, buy a new dress or go to a winning match of our footy team. One guy said to me recently he could only be happy once he'd got a new car. "Why do you need a new car?" I asked. "Because I'm bored with the other one" he said. He thought a new car would make him happy. I expect his happiness will be short-lived though and boredom will soon set in again. Why do we think we'll be happy once we've done these things and spent money? Surely there are ways to be happy which cost us nothing, aren't there? Yes. Read on to find out what some of them are.
I was talking to a lovely woman and her husband from Queensland recently and arranging to meet them at the airport, never having met them before. We were trying to describe ourselves. We sounded an interesting trio, one small, one tall and one large! Then she burst out laughing and explained that a woman had come up to her recently and said "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" It's incredible that anyone would say such a thing, isn't it? Yet people do say and do the oddest of things, don't they? What matters is that we know how to respond to them and we don't let them throw us off track. How can you do this? Read on to the tips section and you'll find out.
I have recently been working with people who get anxious about giving presentations or attending job interviews. What struck me the most was how cruel they were to themselves. They would spend most of their time pulling themselves down, thinking they would go blank, presuming the audience would be hostile, wondering what would happen if they couldn't answer a question, and on they went. And guess what? Their confidence would drop. What they were doing was stopping themselves from feeling confident. Do you knock your own confidence? Do you think of all the problems that might arise? Do you say negative things about yourself, to yourself? Do you train yourself not to do well? If you do, the good news is there are plenty of ways you can train yourself to do the opposite. To be confident rather than nervous. You can learn to be at your best. Read on for how to do it.
I have recently been renovating my house. If you have been involved in renovating or building a home you probably know it's a very stressful experience. And that's when things go right! My experience has left me a loyal and repeat customer with some businesses; and a disgruntled and ex-customer with others. If you conduct any type of service, business or commercial enterprise how you deal with your customers each time they contact you matters. Each contact can be used to build trust, satisfaction and loyalty, or to build dissatisfaction. So does this matter to you? Well, the important thing is that when your customers are happy you can enjoy them more. Satisfied customers are much less stressful to deal with. Enjoy your customers now. How can you do this? Read on to the tips section.
Christmas is an emotionally intense time, one of the emotional peaks in the yearly emotional cycle. Everyone wishes everyone a happy Christmas. But do we really have happiness at Christmas? Or are we all worn out by the hassles of Christmas shopping, having to prepare food and an endless round of Christmas functions? Christmas is about contentment, about love and compassion. Make sure you really do have these things this Christmas. You don't need money to get them - they can't be bought, despite what the commercials tell you. And being happy is good for you. I've read research recently that said happiness can add years to your life - in fact up to 9 years. That's a lot. So how can you be happy at Christmas? Read on for the tips.
Talking to strangers, family, staff, colleagues, clients, neighbours, friends, and more is a big part of Christmas. People are Christmas. Make catchy, interesting conversations this Christmas. Be inspiring. Change topics. Create topics. Contribute. Listen. Tell interesting stories. Find fascinating topics. Be open. Talk about your year. Make your Christmas functions buzz! Enjoy the chat. Enjoy Christmas. Read on for how to do this...
I was listening to the radio recently. It was one of the gardening programmes and participants were talking about recycling kitchen waste. The subject of citrus peel came up and whether this would be suitable for worm farms. "No" said one of the guys, "but cows will eat it." One of the other presenters responded with a huge grin saying light-heartedly, "That's helpful, lots of us have a cow in our backyard. You have, don't you Stan?" "Actually I have two in my quarter acre block", he said, laughing. I roared with laughter. However this was in stark contrast to the guy who mentioned the cows, he didn't laugh. Instead there was a moment of stoney silence and he continued, ignoring the comments. Now, it may not sound funny here but it was hilarious. And he spoilt it.
There go the butterflies again. I thought butterflies were beautiful insects that flutter about the garden. Maybe so, but when they have grabbed hold of our stomachs just before an important meeting, interaction or presentation, there is nothing pretty about them. They can paralyse us. Stop us from being at our best. Make us miss out on a key job. Keep us from speaking out. Don't let this happen to you. Don't be a slave to your nerves. There are many ways to ease nerves. We can take control. We can triumph over nerves. By doing this we'll have more chance to acheive all that we wish for. The techniques for easing nerves are coming up soon.
Do some people get to you? Do you find yourself getting hot under the collar especially when people are rude, complaining or carrying on? Ever got angry or rude back? It's so tempting, isn't it? I've been working with a group of men recently who deal with stroppy customers, and when I say stroppy I mean facing full-blown angry outbursts. I've been encouraging them not to strike back. I kept saying to them, "Let it go, stay calm, stay clear headed. Let the customer rant and rave but don't join in. It's not worth it. Getting irritated, angry or furious isn't good for your blood pressure or health. And just as bad, it gives the other person more ammunition to attack you with. Don't go down to their level. Charm them instead!"
I am so relieved emotional intelligence has finally been born. Why? Because it is allowing us all to look at our emotions. But why bother? Aren't we better off without them? No, whether we like it or not, we are emotional beings. Whether we approve or not emotions are with us at work, with our staff and colleagues and with our customers, clients and patients. They exist. So let's get to know them. They can give us important information, sometimes. However what a minefield they are. Take guilt for instance. Ever felt it? Ever said "No" to a really polite request and felt guilty? Ever turned down an invitation and felt bad? Ever stood up for yourself but crawled into a hole later? Oh yes, guilt is easy to feel for many of us. A tip - if you feel guilty it doesn't mean you mustn't do what you feel guilty about. Some guilt is a con act! Sometimes it's there to protect you from doing something bad. But some of the time it's not. It is not that you should ignore it but rather evaluate it without automatically giving into it. If you're about to steal something from a shop and feel guilty, or you're about to hit someone, then guilt is there to say, don't do it. At other times it's only there because you've been taught to be nice to people even when people aren't being nice to you. If it's not a valid warning, you don't have to give in. Tips for handling guilt come next.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you had all those hard jobs and decisions out of the way and you could just sit back and soak up the sun? Instead, what do so many of us do? We procrastinate. We keep putting off what we could do today, until tomorrow, maybe. We leave things until the last moment. We don’t get around to starting something until it's too late. One of the problems with procrastinating is that we can waste our time and energy. We end up thinking about what needs doing instead of doing it. So much so that it would have been quicker to have just done it the first time we thought about it! As the ad says, just do it.
People talk to me about the troubles they have with their friends. Others tell me they're happy on their own and don't really need friends. And recently someone told me, she prefers her pet dog to a human because it doesn't answer back! So why bother to have friends? Because human beings deep down are social animals. We can be nurtured through our contact with other people. Friends can help us in times of difficulty. Friends can help us to have a sense of belonging, of connection, of meaning and purpose in our lives. Research has shown that those with a good social network can live longer than those without one. They bring a depth to our lives that would be missing without them. So put the time in to making fabulous friends, they could be good for you.
People talk to me about the troubles they have with their friends. Others tell me they're happy on their own and don't really need friends. And recently someone told me, she prefers her pet dog to a human because it doesn't answer back!
So why bother to have friends? Because human beings deep down are social animals. We can be nurtured through our contact with other people. Friends can help us in times of difficulty. Friends can help us to have a sense of belonging, of connection, of meaning and purpose in our lives. Research has shown that those with a good social network can live longer than those without one. They bring a depth to our lives that would be missing without them. So put the time in to making fabulous friends, they could be good for you.
Ever got out of bed cranky with the world? If so, you're not on your own. I have seen some dreadful bumper stickers recently with awful attitudes. The one which showed a map of Australia and then said, "F... off, we're full!", I thought particularly disgusting. Another one said, "If you don't like my driving, eat s...!" Imagine getting out of bed each morning with these as your attitudes. That's not having a chip on your shoulder, it's a whole huge lump of concrete. The attitude you take into the world makes a big difference to how your day pans out. If you think negatively, expect negativity. If you're more positive, you're more likely to get positivity. So start your day with the right attitude. It could improve your life. Read on for great tips on how you can do it, now.
Ever got out of bed cranky with the world? If so, you're not on your own. I have seen some dreadful bumper stickers recently with awful attitudes. The one which showed a map of Australia and then said, "F... off, we're full!", I thought particularly disgusting. Another one said, "If you don't like my driving, eat s...!"
Imagine getting out of bed each morning with these as your attitudes. That's not having a chip on your shoulder, it's a whole huge lump of concrete. The attitude you take into the world makes a big difference to how your day pans out. If you think negatively, expect negativity. If you're more positive, you're more likely to get positivity. So start your day with the right attitude. It could improve your life. Read on for great tips on how you can do it, now.
Confidence can be learnt. What we think, how we stand, what we do can all make a difference to our levels of confidence or nervousness. Feeling confident impacts on our performance at work, on our relationships, on our ability to gain friends. Having a confident sense of yourself when attending a job interveiw, dealing with a difficult person or presenting in front of an audience can help you succeed. Here are some tips on how to boost your confidence.
When I was a child I was brought up to believe that I should be seen and not heard. I was like many children today also taught not to speak to strangers. Other comments I heard included, "It's bragging to talk about yourself", "Wait to be introduced" and "It's rude to interrupt". Now I'm an adult I've learnt that these messages work against me when I'm wanting to meet new people and when I'm socialising or networking. Instead I've learnt a whole different set of skills and sayings so that I can network with confidence and even with strangers. Here are some of the skills that may help you too.
Oh, how easy it is to give up. We've all done it. Whether it's the diet we've promised to follow, the New Year's resolution we said we'd stick to, a promise we made to do yoga each week, giving up is easy. The trouble with that is we don't get the long term rewards we want. Imagine if all our Olympic athletes said one morning, "Oh what the heck, I'm fed-up with training. I'm giving up!" We'd have no athletes, no Olympic games to enjoy and they'd have no medals. Sticking with it could mean you become healthier, richer or happier - who knows. Sometimes persistence does pay! So here are some tips on not giving up
Communication is a core ingredient of our lives. Our relationships depend on it. At work, our work success can often depend on it. Management and staff communicate with each other. Staff communicate with each other. Staff communicate with customers, clients, stake-holders and more. How the communication is conducted impacts on the trust that is built, whether information is listened to and acted upon, and how satisfied people feel as a result of the interaction. Skilful communicators have more influence. Skilful communicators have less conflict. Skilful communicators build better teams, have better networks, and gain more respect from colleagues, clients and families. The world needs more skilled communicators. Here are some very simple tips to help ...
The father of a 17 year old boy called me recently and was talking about his son with great affection. In the midst of the conversation he said, "Every extra moment with him is a bonus." I was really touched by such a comment. It stood out as being different. Do you appreciate fully the people you live and work with? If only we all valued each other and saw the good in each other - we'd be less stressed. So often we complain about our families, whether it is our children, our partners or our parents. We often focus on their faults. We also grumble about the people we work with. The hardest part of most jobs is the people. Imagine if we appreciated people more. Then we would be happier. Work would be easier. We wouldn't be weighed down by so many problems. We'd look forward to going to work, have fewer conflicts and be more motivated and optimistic. Here are some tips on how.
Ever found your blood boiling as someone vents their spleen at you? Or you've felt insulted and said things you later regretted, or maybe you've been so upset you've burst into tears when you didn't want to? The person could be a customer swearing at you on the phone or a colleague yelling at you in a meeting. Wherever it is and whoever it is, learn to keep your cool. When you keep your cool you keep your dignity. You act like a professional. And you have the chance of calming them down and winning them over. Here's how ...
Ever felt daunted by the task of speaking out? Or left a meeting and wished you'd stood your ground? Stood in front of a crowd and had your legs go to jelly? I wonder if you presume all good speakers feel confident? Maybe you look at someone else and wish you could speak as confidently and clearly as them. You can! Here's how.
Ever felt daunted by the task of speaking out? Or left a meeting and wished you'd stood your ground? Stood in front of a crowd and had your legs go to jelly?
I wonder if you presume all good speakers feel confident? Maybe you look at someone else and wish you could speak as confidently and clearly as them. You can! Here's how.
When I went to school, we were told that if we didn't have a high IQ we wouldn't succeed. Now things have changed. It has become obvious that some people with a high IQ fail to hold down a good job while others with a lower IQ succeed despite all odds. How can this happen? Because of something called Emotional Intelligence (EI). But hang on - since when have emotions mattered at work? Well think about what happens if you feel nervous, intimidated or happy. Does this affect your work? It probably does.
Tragedy happens in everyone's lives. We can't stop it. People get sick. People we love die. But how do we handle the grief? It's not often talked about. Sometimes our society tends to cover up death as if it doesn't happen and this can make it hard for us to cope. One of our Reflections' readers has asked for help with this, so here are some tips.
When people around you make snide comments or get angry or are unpleasant, what do you do? Do you let it go and brush if off? Or do you dwell on it, get angry back or clam up? When you dwell or stew on something who are you hurting? Often not the other person - he/she has probably gone to bed and forgotten all about it. If you, meanwhile, are going over and over it in your own mind, if you are lying awake at 3 o'clock in the morning plotting revenge, if you are still bitter or upset about it a day, a week or a month or even 2 years later - you are hurting yourself. So how can you stop yourself doing this? Here are some tips.
Job sharing is a wonderful idea in practice. Ideally each person contributes their strengths so the job benefits from extra skills. Each person works really hard so more work is completed than a single person would achieve. There is always someone available in times of sickness and holidays. The organisation is never left in the lurch if one person leaves. And each person reaps the benefits of only working part-time. A good list providing all is going well!
People vary in their levels of confidence. Sometimes even the most confident appearing people can doubt themselves. Inside them may be a myriad of doubts, insecurities, fears or uncertainties that may not be apparent on the surface. In contrast some people are obviously lacking in confidence, they are indecisive, submissive, avoid conflict, are not able to say "no", or find it hard to stand up for themselves. Yet being confident can be a big contribution to our happiness. Being confident can also influence how people interact with us. Being confident can help us in a variety of situations such as job interviews, parenting, presenting and so on. So how can all of us develop and boost our self confidence? Here are some tips.
It's a big day, your best friend's wedding, your son's engagement party, your school's graduation ceremony, your father's funeral. And you've been given the task of giving a speech. You're nervous. You're stuck for what to say. And you want some help. Here are the tips.
Ever been put-off by someone giving you bad service? Or maybe you offer a service and you'd like to do it better. If so, read on. Today's newsletter will tell you of a number of instances where I've received poor service and how it could have been instantly improved, at no cost. The poor service was the result of people's communication skills. And had the small things been taken care of the service provider involved would have been better off financially.
Many of us will have been with our families over the festive season. I wonder how it was for you. Sometimes families don't get on. Barbara, one of our newsletter readers, has asked for a newsletter on the difficulties that families face in relating to each other. How do we handle conflicts in a family? What do we do if one member of the family refuses to talk to the others? What happens if our son or daughter, aunt or uncle, grandparent or parent doesn't want to have anything to do with us or another member of the family? It is a topic which is not uncommon. There are no easy answers. If you'd like to contribute yours please feel able to send them in. I am not an expert in this area although I do have direct experience within my own family of issues which have arisen, as do most of us. However I have some comments to make. So here are my ideas.
I've written a Rachel's Rant once before, after September 11th, and I got more response to that than any other newsletter before or since. And now I'm moved to write a second one, this time in response to a damning report into the effects of global warming and our environmental problems. It predicts appalling increases in droughts, bush fires, tropical diseases, storms, and more for Australia. Other countries are also being warned of dreadful consequences. What legacy are we leaving our kids?
Christmas parties. Christmas dinners. Christmas drinks. What do they all have in common except for food and drink? Conversations. Yes, Christmas is the peak time of the year for you to use your skills in the art of chat. How are your conversation skills? Do you get stuck in a rut, end up staring into your wine glass or glazing over as someone bores you? It doesn't have to be this way. Here are some more tips on the art of conversation this Christmas.
It's well known that moving home is high on the stress scale. We have recently gone through a nerve racking few months organising our move and selling and buying our homes. Here are some tips to help you, based on my experiences.
Have you ever been around someone with a black cloud hanging over them? They don't say anything but you can sense that all is not well. Maybe they give black looks. Maybe they refuse to co-operate. Maybe they sit there in a sullen silence. You may feel as though you are being given the "silent treatment". It's tough for those on the receiving end. So how do you manage it?
The number of stories I hear about people being intimidated and bullied at work is high. I have spent many hours helping people cope with such inappropriate behaviour. But hang on - isn’t that the wrong way round? Shouldn’t we be helping the people who bully to stop their bullying? People who bully in the workplace need to know where the boundaries are. They need to be challenged. Their behaviour needs to be improved.
Do you have people in your family or life that you think are oddballs? Have you ever asked yourself why you label them as oddballs? Is it just because they don't do things the same way as you do? Here are some tips on how to get on with the different people in your family and team...
Ever been yelled at and shrunk back furious inside? Or maybe you've been so angry you've yelled right back. It's hard to keep your cool isn't it, when people are blowing their top at you? However, why get your blood pressure up just because of someone else? Stay healthy. Stay cool. Here's how...
I was coaching someone recently in giving a speech and he was nervous. He didn't like all the attention being placed on him. I sympathised. And then I reassured him - "All the attention isn't on you, the audience are thinking about themselves!" I can demonstrate this every time I speak. If you ask the people in the audience, "Were you worried about me when you were coming here today?" hardly anyone ever says, "Yes, I was hoping you were feeling okay and had a good night's sleep." In contrast, they say they have been thinking about themselves! The value in knowing this is that it can help reduce your self-consciousness as a speaker. It also gives your presentation focus. Who should you be concentrating on? The audience of course! They are the most important part of your presentation. How can you focus on the audience? Here's how ...
I was coaching someone recently in giving a speech and he was nervous. He didn't like all the attention being placed on him. I sympathised. And then I reassured him - "All the attention isn't on you, the audience are thinking about themselves!" I can demonstrate this every time I speak. If you ask the people in the audience, "Were you worried about me when you were coming here today?" hardly anyone ever says, "Yes, I was hoping you were feeling okay and had a good night's sleep." In contrast, they say they have been thinking about themselves!
The value in knowing this is that it can help reduce your self-consciousness as a speaker. It also gives your presentation focus. Who should you be concentrating on? The audience of course! They are the most important part of your presentation. How can you focus on the audience? Here's how ...
When I went to school, success was measured and predicted by scores on an IQ test. If you had a high IQ it was assumed that you'd do well in life. If you didn't have a high IQ the implication was that you wouldn't be a success. Over time it has become ever more obvious that some people with a high IQ can end up in a mess in terms of their finances, relationships, psychological health or other aspects. In contrast, some people with a lower IQ seem to achieve and succeed despite all odds. How can this happen? Because of something called Emotional Intelligence (EI).
Romantically there is much written about the attraction of opposites. The wild brave energetic male falls in love with a quiet, fainting maiden ... and all that! But is it based in reality? Do opposites attract? If we use the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), can it help to answer the question? Yes, I think it can.
Dinner parties can be fabulous or frightful. It depends on the people there. But what do you do to make sure you are contributing to making the conversation flow? Are you being interesting? I was at a dinner party recently and came away a little put-off by one of the people. My husband and I were disappointed that we hadn't had an opportunity to get to know her better and with a feeling that she was sitting in judgement on us. This may well not have been the case but we were left wondering. I have since thought about this and worked out what went wrong. As a result I thought it was a good time to present my tips on how to make interesting conversations.
Many of us spend many hours of our working days attending meetings. Yet some of the meetings I've been a part of have not been run efficiently by the chair person, who has failed to control the meeting, who allows certain people to dominate or who allows the participants to go off the point. Ever experienced these problems? If you ever get the chance to chair a meeting, here are some tips to ensure everyone gets a fair hearing. And they could be useful for you if you attend meetings rather than chairing them.
Ever felt that there isn't enough time in the day? That there's too much pressure? That you feel hassled or stressed or overworked? Would you rather have time for yourself? Feel relaxed? Feel on top of your life and enjoying it to the max? If so, read on for some top tips to take the frazzle out of your day.
Ever had any pain? Ever wished it would go away? Ever ended up hating it, trying to avoid it, or worrying about it? I've done all of them. I can number a whole swag of pains in the last 20 or so years, anything from the pain of pleurisy (flames in my lungs), abdominal migraine (razor blades being drawn across the lining of my stomach) to pain in my neck, shoulders and arms from some collapsed vertebrae. That's not to mention the fact that I seem to do things to my toes like close toilet doors on them when I've got bare feet, plus have the odd arthritic joint, sinusitis - you know, just the usual!
Has anyone ever been rude to you or said things about you that you've been hurt and upset by? My mother used to have a great skill at saying certain things which would get me immediately upset. She just had to say I was "too sensitive", "stubborn" or "bossy" and I went up in a flash. She could press my buttons very easily. Does this happen to you? Do you react to certain things that your parents, children, partner, work colleagues, boss or clients say to you? If they say you are "too emotional", "slack", "disorganised" or a "poor mother" do you stay calm, collapse inside or get hurt and flare up? If any of these sound familiar here are some tips to help you stop getting your emotional buttons pressed. Is it possible? Yes, I spent years training myself. Now my mum can say virtually anything and it washes right over me, even makes me laugh.
Most of us regularly attend meetings, whether at work or at neighbourhood or social groups. So how good are you at speaking out? Do you join in and make sure your opinion is heard? Or do you take it all in but say little?
I turned 50 on February 28th. And I've just finished celebrating with 50 friends! Why celebrate? To show how grateful I am for every year I've had. I'm proud of my age; after all, some people never make it to 50. I have - so I'm happy to celebrate. For all of life's trials and tribulations, pains and disappointments, contentment is possible whatever our age. And isn't that what really matters? Life is not about how many possessions we have, what colour our hair is or what our credentials are. It's about happiness and sharing that happiness with others, isn't it?
I turned 50 on February 28th. And I've just finished celebrating with 50 friends!
Why celebrate? To show how grateful I am for every year I've had. I'm proud of my age; after all, some people never make it to 50. I have - so I'm happy to celebrate. For all of life's trials and tribulations, pains and disappointments, contentment is possible whatever our age. And isn't that what really matters? Life is not about how many possessions we have, what colour our hair is or what our credentials are. It's about happiness and sharing that happiness with others, isn't it?
Have you ever thought that if only everyone thought or behaved in a similar way to you that life would be much easier? When people don't think or behave in the same as we do, they can appear difficult and yet often it is simply that they are different.
Recently my husband and I have been trying to find a new home to buy. We have been looking for 10 months. Why has it taken so long? Because we are trying to do the unlikely - find a home on flat land in the hills! But we are determined and our dream will come true some time. In the meantime we have spent many hours talking to real estate agents, visiting home-opens, reading real estate websites, advertisements and the like. So I thought I'd use the real estate industry to show how good customer communication can affect your business.
Sometimes work, for all of us, can be a drain. Imagine then, how wonderful I felt recently when I walked into a cafe for a luncheon appointment and someone I didn't recognise said, "Are you Rachel Green?" A bit taken aback I said, "Yes, how do you know me?" "I was at one of your speeches on Midlife and Happiness in Northam," she said. "I just have to tell you that since that speech I have been out planting lots of trees and every time I do I think of you. Thank you for the inspiration."
The local radio station in Bunbury called me recently wanting to know how to identify a liar. When I suggested the police were in a better position than I was to talk about that, they decided we could talk about white lies instead! What an interesting topic. I'd never given it much thought before but it's probably relevant to all of us. Do you ever tell white lies? Or even big lies? Does it matter? Or is it okay?
E-mails are becoming such a common form of communication these days, I'm beginning to think we won't be talking to each other at all soon. I even know people who send e-mails to people sitting at the desks next to theirs. So when are e-mails appropriate and when aren't they? And given we use them so often, how can you excel in e-mail communication as in all other forms of communication? Read on!
Last week I was sitting in the dentist's chair waiting for a filling in my back tooth and a clean and scrape. The dentist has a TV on the ceiling for her patients to watch and Oprah Winfrey was on full bore. The dentist came in and said to me, "Did you have a good Christmas?" and without a pause, adds "You've been so busy". "Oh have I?" I said. With that she put something in my mouth and then asked me how my husband was. Can someone please tell me why dentists ask us questions when we have something in our mouths and can't answer? It's always made me wonder, as I've experienced it happening with so many dentists. Have you? What do they expect us to do? Rip out the instrument and speak, blow bubbles and make gargly noises or magically answer through eye movement patterns? Well, we all have to go to the dentist, so I thought it was time to tackle this issue.
I've just returned from a two week holiday and am happy to be back in contact with you again. I found plenty of stimulation for some newsletter topics over Christmas. So coming up will be topics centred around poor customer service, inspirational generosity and kindness, having fascinating conversations with teenagers, communicating with dentists, evaluating the depth and value of friendships, communication between real estate agents and buyers, finding contentment in the ordinary, and more! But for now we have Richard Goodwin at Edith Cowan University to thank for suggesting today's topic. He wrote and asked "Do first impressions always count or can we misjudge people?"
Christmas time again! Happy Christmas. I love Christmas and in Australia at the moment it's summer. I love that too. All the bright sunshine and blue skies is therapeutic for me. I hope you like wherever you are too. Have you done your Christmas shopping yet? I have four presents still to get. It is a busy time of year for most of us, isn't it? But what does Christmas mean to you? Are you looking forward to Christmas day? How happy will your Christmas day be? Will it be tears, beers or cheers for you this Christmas? I hope there will be plenty of cheer for you
Is it my imagination or are people getting more aggressive and demanding in their phone calls? I sense the world is becoming an increasingly stressed place and that people expect higher and higher standards of service and demand their "rights" more and more. Meanwhile, more people work with lessening resources and increasing workloads. A crazy world, isn't it? So, given this seems to be reality for many of us, how do we handle phone calls so we still feel good about ourselves and leave our callers feeling good about themselves. Of course maybe we should also ask, how can we, when we call other people, be kind to those on the other end too, even if we are complaining?
It's approaching Christmas again. The prime time for parties, functions and networking. So let's look at some top tips to make your networking successful this Christmas.
Rachel's Reflections is 100 today. Wow! Thanks to all of you who made it possible simply by subscribing to it. Birthdays are worth celebrating. So how? And Why?
Rachel's Reflections is 100 today. Wow! Thanks to all of you who made it possible simply by subscribing to it.
Birthdays are worth celebrating. So how? And Why?
We've talked about Introverts in edition 95 of the newsletter - now for the Extraverts. Extraverts form approximately 50% of the population, but it may seem like more as they can stand out in a crowd more readily than most Introverts. Extraverts can be the highlight at a party or social event, entertaining, being the perfect hostess or host and being involved in many things. They're a lovely group of people who typically like to talk things through, be active and who respond well to external stimulation. So here is some information that could help you get on with them, or understand yourself better if you are one.
We face change every day, some of it imposed and some of it chosen. However, our reactions to change vary, and sometimes we resist making changes as it can challenge us and we prefer to continue as we are. Sometimes we resist without a good reason other than it's what we know or who we are. Sometimes even the smallest of changes can disturb us. For example, I went to a dental therapy conference recently and started talking to the people at the Oral B counter. They were kind enough to give me an electric toothbrush. I'd never used an electric toothbrush before. Why would I want one? Would I use it? What's wrong with a good old fashioned hand moved one? Up came a whole series of questions to help me put off trying it. Ever resisted making a change that could be good for you?
Negativity comes in many forms, whether as snide comments, sarcastic put downs, angry outbursts, criticism, complaints and so on. There are many different and diverse ways to deal with negativity only a few of which I'll mention here but they'll be some of the key ones.
On completion of a recent training course I ran, I handed out certificates to each of the participants. Each person was invited out to the front to individually receive his/her certificate while the audience enthusiastically applauded. There was nothing unusual about it. The certificates were in no particular order and I picked out each certificate as I recognised a name or I found a particular person standing close to me. Having done this I was pleased with how the proceedings had gone and everyone went home. Happily I thought! How wrong can my perceptions be? A couple of days later a supervisor contacted me to say that a participant had complained to her that I had deliberately withheld his certificate until last because I knew he had to rush off at the end of the course. I was amazed that someone thought that! It was news to me. How easy is it to read into a situation something that isn't there? How often do we interpret something wrongly? How often do we misjudge ourselves and other people? How can we know whether our perceptions are right or not?
Introverts are approximately 50% of the population and are well worth understanding. If you're an Introvert I'm sure you will agree and if you're not an Introvert you are likely to be working or living with one. They're a lovely group of people who typically like to think things through, reflect on life and have peace and quiet, rather than talking a lot or being the life and soul of the party, meeting or workplace. So here is some information that could help you get on with them, or understand yourself better if you are one.
Busy-ness is all around us. It seems to be an automatic part of our lives these days, the accepted norm, as if busy means good. I know I've mentioned if before because it bothers me. Why are we all so busy? Is busy-ness healthy? Can we stop being so busy? Can we learn to say no politely and take more control over our lives?
I'll be 50 next birthday and I want to make a significant contribution in my next decade. At this stage I'm in limbo land as I travel through the transitionary period from my 40's to my 50's. "Midlife And Happiness" was the culmination of my 40's, of the decade I'm now completing. But what will I do in my fifties? It's so easy just to busy myself with life and simply be busy. But busy doing what? Sometimes I wonder if being busy is just a cover up for a lack of focus, simply being busy seems to have become, in our society, an acceptable description of our lives, as if "busyness" in itself is valuable. But is it? Have you ever asked what purpose your busyness has? Could you be more focused?
How well we listen can influence the success of our working lives, or personal relationships and our interactions with friends, neighbours and acquaintances. Yet did anyone ever teach you how to listen? If you're like most of us you were probably just told to "pay attention" or to "listen" but without being told how. I thought it would be a good issue to discuss and clarify. So here goes...
E-mails rule the world! Well, that's what it can seem like sometimes as more and more people open their e-mails each day and get swamped. Most of us have received little training on e-mail communication so I thought it would be a good time to visit the topic again and add to the previous ideas we've discussed.
When I watch the news or look at the newspaper I am dismayed at the emphasis given to negativity, bad news and violence. The focus is on the wrong-doings of people, on disasters, death and crime. If good news stories are included they seldom move beyond sports people, the rich and famous, or dolphins! Does this matter? Yes, because significant sections of the media give a distorted world view and this can contribute to people feeling pessimistic about their lives and downhearted. Not that it is necessarily the fault of the media, is it? After all, we obviously buy or use their products otherwise they wouldn't exist. They produce what people buy. They produce what people watch. However, whatever the reasons, we are presented with a negative image of life and it has negative consequences. We can get sucked in to the negativity. We can come to live in fear. We can think good things are not possible. So how can we keep motivated? On top of things? Where do we find inspiration?
David de Lacey, one of our regular Rachel's Reflections readers, has asked for tips on what to do with his hands when presenting. He writes: "I was wondering if you could include something about the styles of gesticulation which exist, if any (with reference to giving presentations). Maybe it's just me, but moving my limbs randomly seems like it could be more distracting than helpful, whereas some form of coordinated full body assault on the speech could be used to help further emphasise the key points. Any feedback you could give me about this would be appreciated." Thanks David, good idea. I thought I'd open up the whole topic of body language as it is one we've not talked about for a long time.
David de Lacey, one of our regular Rachel's Reflections readers, has asked for tips on what to do with his hands when presenting. He writes: "I was wondering if you could include something about the styles of gesticulation which exist, if any (with reference to giving presentations). Maybe it's just me, but moving my limbs randomly seems like it could be more distracting than helpful, whereas some form of coordinated full body assault on the speech could be used to help further emphasise the key points. Any feedback you could give me about this would be appreciated."
Thanks David, good idea. I thought I'd open up the whole topic of body language as it is one we've not talked about for a long time.
Ever got stuck in a boring conversation? You'd be a rare person if you haven't. Boring conversations can make relationships go stale, put a dull edge to a function and stop you from connecting with potential clients or new friends. I thought it would be good therefore to focus on one aspect of conversation which can make them more interesting - the topics to talk about.
Angry outbursts, bullying and nastiness can make our lives miserable, especially if we feel intimidated and powerless to do anything about them. I am not an expert in this topic but I have recently been subjected to some bullying and had to work out how to cope. Also Jenny, one of our readers, has written to request bullying be covered in Rachel's Reflections. This is what Jenny said, "Could you talk some time about 'anger in the workplace'. It seems to me not appropriate or professional to explode or manipulate in the workplace using anger, yet this does go on. Even using a louder voice than necessary can be an attempt at control, I believe; as is not listening to a colleague's concern/opinion about a workplace issue. These behaviours could be perceived as 'bullying'. What do you think; and how does one manage them effectively?"
I am in awe of a man named John Button at the moment. He was convicted of the murder of his girlfriend in the 1960's and was jailed for 5 years in Western Australia. He has always pleaded his innocence. After his conviction, another person confessed to the murder. Apparently, the confession was not accepted in the appeal court and the conviction was upheld. Now over 30 years later, with scientific evidence, John Button has managed to clear his name. What an absolutely wonderful example of patience this man displays. To have quietly continued to believe in himself and to have patiently waited until the world knew of his innocence gives me hope that patience is possible for all of us. If so, how can we develop such a characteristic? And is being patient worth it?
I was riding on a train last week and happened to glance around the carriage. There were many people all sitting as if on their own. No-one was talking to the person next to them and several had headsets on listening to their walkmans. That's when it struck me - why do we block ourselves off from other people and not talk to them? I am sure there are many important answers, such as we want our own peace and quiet, we're busy thinking, it's the only time we have to read a book ... and so on. But is it good for
